Listen, my luscious Creamsicle, I didn't mean to bore you with all these sordid details about my job and all. Unfortunately I'm fresh out of juicy gossip right now about my coworkers, and you already know what a bunch of perverts and inbred freaks the rest of my friends are. So this is what you get for the time being. If you get a minute, please send along my Mario Lanza records, my back issues of Swank, and my silk smoking jacket. I'm feeling a mite homesick. I love ya, doll.
Your husband, steadfast and true,
The Calibrator
Send arcane, useless information and other junk mail to Calibrations, P.O. Box 14128, Fort Lauderdale, FL 33302 or e-mail to David_Pulizzi@newtimesbpb.com.
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