Screwed

Aging porn publisher Al Goldstein ponders a run for sheriff, bordellos, and his dwindling obscenity empire

How are you different from the porn producers who degrade women in their films?

Because I don't do that. For me it is fucking, eating pussy, getting your dick sucked, gay, straight; sex is fun. There are feminists who claim I exploit women, but my argument -- and I have had 33 years of practice -- is that I glorify women. Spitting on women is, to me, unpleasant. Aesthetically it upsets me. I have several girlfriends, including a Japanese dominatrix in New York who gets paid by guys to humiliate and debase them, use them as toilets. It's not my sexual activity, but since it's consensual, it's OK.

Do you consider yourself a misogynist?

The secret to Goldstein's success with women
Preston
The secret to Goldstein's success with women

No. I don't hate women. I love them. And by the way, try that word with a lot of people in my business; they won't know what the fuck you're talking about. No, I need women. I need women's approval.... I'm always looking for girlfriends. I like dating. My sex drive has dropped to a large degree, but I like women. They're important to me. Anyway, you asked how am I different. I think what I do at Screw is really a MAD comics for sex. We make fun of sex. Every guy I meet wants to be a porno actor, every married guy has this fantasy of seeing two women eating each other. Well, men are pathetic. Are you married? [I nod yes.] You are a walking cock. I am, too. I am a little older, so my cock is a little shriveled. I ask my diet doctor, "How come my cock has shrunk and my feet have gotten bigger?" and he says that's what happens. But vive la différence. Women are looking for context; men are visually stimulated. Screw is a genre of entertainment.

Why do you want to run for sheriff?

The guy, [incumbent Ken] Jenne, actually sent his deputies into a swingers' club. In this city there's enough danger on the street. Do you think I am going to bust someone for smoking a joint? If you do no harm, I'm going to leave you alone. I really believe I can win. I am a great debater. My campaign slogan will be "citizen sheriff." I will put my resources into making the street safe.

OK, if hookers are walking on the street, get them off the street, you know? But let's quit harassing people for eccentricities of their individuality. Once every couple months, people will look at my [12-foot-tall finger on the Intracoastal] and say that's obscene. I say this is obscene. [He flips the bird to no one in particular.] Fuck you. Don't look at my finger. I'm not into imposing my values on other people, but let me live my life.

How much are you willing to spend?

A million dollars. It will buy a lot of ads. I'm not going to anyone for money, because I don't want to owe anyone a favor. Financing is nonsense. I will get a lot of free publicity, I will take ads, and I will challenge Jenne to debate me. He's a retard. This is one way of rehabilitating Florida for the debacle of this whole voting thing. I am going to bring respectability to this community after the humiliation of this election by being sheriff. And I am serious about this. I will win.

You lost in 1992.

I pulled out at the end because I didn't have the money. I spent $100,000. Peanuts. Now I have the money from the bordello. I will focus on making the streets safe. I will hire great deputies. I will get the best personnel and have a sane policy. And because I really love Florida. It sounds stupid, but I love this stupid state with its early-bird dinners and its weather. And the humidity is good for my cigars.

You mentioned your son earlier. Is he ashamed of you?

He worked as a district attorney for two years in the summers. When I called I would say, "Tell him Doctor Goldstein called," because this is the same district attorney that arrested me. I mean, what a dilemma. He's proud of how tough I am, and I've changed the law. He studied my obscenity cases and my libel cases. He knows how tough I am. His mother was overly protective, and I would say, "Oh, fall out of the tree, it's OK." So he's in the middle. But it is so important that he struggles to create his own identity rather than be overwhelmed by who I am.... He has no interest in Screw. His sexuality is monogamous and loving. I think he was sexually inactive until very late in life. He is the only person in New York who has never seen Midnight Blue.

Why are you so angry?

There's so much to be angry about, because people are ripped off, the election went to the wrong person, the good guys usually lose, society sucks, eight-year-old children are dying on cancer wards. By being angry I know I'm alive. My father was so passive. My father said "sir" to elevator operators. I am my father's revenge. But I also have such a joy with life. Eating pussy, having my cock sucked, going to Sharper Image. I'm getting this Sony dog that we are going to program to fuck fruit on Midnight Blue. There is so much to enjoy in life. To be angry is to be alive. I'm an angry Jew. I love it. Anger is better than love. I think it is more pure.... No bullets hit me, I have been in business for going on 33 years, I'm still here, and in this fucking house! I fucked all the people who handcuffed me and arrested me. Fuck them all. Larry Flynt has a movie, but he never had an original thought. He stole my editor, my lawyer, and the Screw concept in 1973. I'm an innovator, an original. I'm filled with rage and hate, but I'm loved in the streets in New York.

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