By Kat Bein
By David Von Bader
By David Rolland
By David Rolland
By Liz Tracy
By Liz Tracy
By Rebecca Bulnes
By Falyn Freyman
Oh, the possibilities!
Manson's latest attention-seeking incarnation, a laughable cross between Mephisto and that bald kid from Powder, could be softened only by rainbow suspenders and a little monkey. You'd think an ordained member of the Church of Satan would take more pride in his appearance. Not that he needs any negative press: With so many good souls willing to throw themselves under the tour bus (remember, if it bleeds, it leads), Manson's publicists needn't lift a finger in getting "the word" out. Like Interscope vice president Fred "Limpin' wit' da Bizkit" Durst, Marilyn's handlers adhere to the bottom line like vultures to carrion, dangling reporters until the 11th hour, then bailing, referring them to consumer guides like Rolling Stone for valuable insights, and protecting the pop star's valuable "chill time" for things like sex, drugs, and death threats.
Here's a handful of unsubstantiated Internet rumors -- more grist for Powder's mill -- that should spark debate among the masses until his next tour: Manson is really black and bleached his skin white; he had three of his own ribs surgically removed in order to give himself blowjobs; he had breast implants; he once starred in two different television series, The Wonder Years and Mr. Belvedere; he sold his right eye to the Devil; he hands out puppies at shows and won't start playing until all of them are dead; he cut off one of his toes to inject heroin directly into the veins of the stump; and he once swallowed a cat whole.
Read related New Times story, "Manson, Unmasked"
Where's the goddamn apocalypse when you need it?
Less amusing than any back-fence gossip, however, are the reactions of adults who should know better. In 1997 the American Family Association in Oklahoma drafted fake and defamatory affidavits that fabricated eyewitness accounts from a "runaway 14-year-old" subjected to all sorts of atrocities at the hands of the Manson family, including securing animals for sacrifice, watching band members sodomize one another, seeing kidnapped underage children stripped naked and handcuffed to bus seats. There were even claims that Manson's "clean-cut-looking" security guards kept the police distracted during concerts so that his "private Santa Clauses" could "throw out bags of pot and cocaine throughout the entire audience front to back." Yes, when opportunism knocks, everyone including vice-presidential loser Joseph Lieberman chimes in, even if the "common enemy" needs to be recycled and exaggerated in order to make the case. You'd think Manson had pooped in Lord Stanley's Holy Grail (or threw it under a fire truck) instead of being scheduled to play one measly set in a roving circus of metal heads.
One thing's certain: Given the fact that the government can't legislate sanity or good taste in music, we're stuck with the culture we buy into until hell freezes over. And before lamenting the access of TEC-9s for toddlers, the lack of "bully-proof" schools, or the godless, head-banging decline of Western civilization, ask yourself at least one sensible question: Is this washed-up, self-anointed "god of fuck" still worth all of your constant, slobbering attention?
Yeah. When pigs burn.