Donít Get Holidazed!

Holiday Gift Guide 2001

Precocious Little Sister
Remember when you gave your sister her first Barbie doll and she responded ever so matter of factly, "Barbie is the personification of an erroneous, society-driven beauty myth in which women are mere objects"? She was only four then. So, while she may still be of doll-age, there's no way you would even think of wasting your money on a Britney doll. Enter the Get Real Girl, a line of multiracial action adventure figures who would never, ever associate with Barbie if they had the chance. There's a Japanese-American, and African-American and a bi-racial doll, each with a distinct purpose other than to look pretty and remain silent. Well, these remain silent, too, but their down to earthiness speaks volumes.
$20, Toys R Us, 650 University Dr.,
Fort Lauderdale, 954-752-6100;
20429 State Road 7, Boca Raton,

The Indelibly Romantic
When Johnny Depp broke up with Winona Ryder, he had his tattoo "Winona Forever" partially erased. It now reads "Wino Forever." It's better than nothing, we suppose. While Depp may have learned his lesson, others still haven't and insist on having the name of their love du jour permanently inked into their bloodstream. Rather than taking the Cher route and enduring painful tattoo removal (treatments take about 10 minutes, but cost $450 per tattoo inch), consider the Covermark Tattoo Cover Kit. Available in three shades, the kit includes a neutralizing white primer to tone down color and two blendable shades of pigmented and waterproof cover-up to prevent an embarrassing, accidental erasing while you're lathering up with your latest. If that doesn't work, just call Geoffrey M. Siegel, D.O., P.A., 4408 W Oakland Park Blvd., 954-733-5452, and he'll take care of you.
Covermark Tattoo Cover Kit, $25,

Single and Always Looking Girl Friend
For this girl, a date is almost as routine as brushing her teeth. No less than twice a day, sometimes more. You see, she's on a constant crusade to find the elusive Mr. Right. Everything she does--a trip to Publix, filling up at the gas station, a latte at Starbucks, etc--revolves around finding a guy. Some may call her a desperado but she'll be the first to tell you she's just "actively looking', which in our book is the PC term for desperado. At any rate, give her a gift she can totally relate to in the form of author Rochelle Morton's book, My 1,000 Americans : A Year-Long Journey Through the Personals. Over the course of one year, Morton placed personals ads in New York City and Miami (maybe in this very newspaper) and compiled the bizarre, twisted and pathetic replies of over 1,000 men, many whom she actually met. Brave girl. Anyway, after your friend realizes that half these men are married or have criminal records, perhaps she'll finally be deterred from meeting men via internet chat rooms. Or maybe she'll just recognize several of her past dates in the book and use that as her M.O. for continuing in her quest to find "the one."
$13, Borders Books and Music,
700 University Dr., Fort Lauderdale,
954-340-3309; 9887 Glades Rd.,
Boca Raton, 561-883-5854

Mark Poutenis
Mark Poutenis

He doesn't make you kiss his ring, but you'd much rather kiss that than his you- know-what. Alas, you must pay your dues and respect the man despite the fact that you think he's an ignoramus. He does sign your check, you know. And while you have oodles and oodles of fun compiling lists of your boss's shortcomings, without him, you'd be scraping grease off a fry daddy. So, to show your (feigned) appreciation for the man, honor him with the Godfather DVD collection and pay him a dubious compliment by telling him that Don Corleone's got nothing on him.
$69.99, Best Buy, 12301 W Sunrise Blvd.,
Fort Lauderdale, 954-423-1999;
20540 State Road 7, Boca Raton,

CD Collector
It all started when your friend first joined the BMG music club--12 CDs for a penny! Then he joined Columbia House. And then BMG, again, under his brother's name. He also has a very good friend who does publicity for a major record label. More free CDs. After a while, all the freebies added up and now he barely has room in his house for himself. And despite the impressive collection, he has no idea what he has and always ends up listening to the same freakin' CD every day. Urban Outfitters has come up with the ideal gift for this person, CD wallpaper in which one can plaster their walls with their entire collection--each set holds 24. Help your friend tack on the wallpaper and make sure that you hide the Leo Sayer's Greatest Hits in a room he's least likely to enter.
$16, Urban Outfitters,
653 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, 305-535-9726;
The Shops at Sunset Place, 5701 Sunset Dr., Miami, 305-663-1536;

This person thinks "You're So Vain" was written about her. And she wasn't even born yet. Her apartment has more mirrors than Versailles and, if you count, there are at least 16 photos of just her lying around. And that's just in the bedroom. At parties, conversations inevitably center on her because she's got a way with taking any subject and making it hers and hers alone. She's one of those people who never asks "How are you?" and if she does, it's just a segueway to a long ranting about her latest ills and pains. That's why All About Me is an ideal gift for her. An 82-page fill-in-the- blanks book that's written by her biggest fan--herself. You see, this book is chock-full of questions that the egomaniac can answer about herself. All about her memories, dreams, beliefs and fears. Fears that if this were the last book on earth, reading would become extinct, perhaps?
$12, Urban Outfitters,
653 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, 305-535-9726;
The Shops at Sunset Place, 5701 Sunset Dr., Miami, 305-663-1536;

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schultzybeckett topcommenter

Yeah  do  not upset  your  routine work.  do  not feel complacent  or  relax  on  your oars.Always  be in  the  thick  of  things