Donít Get Holidazed!

Holiday Gift Guide 2001

Wannabe Rock Star
Her chances of getting a record deal are slim shady to none, but despite the grim reality, this person wouldn't think twice about trying out for Star Search or whatever reality show out there that claims to hook the winner up with the godfather of Britney and Backstreet, Lou Pearlman. Talented or not, humor the songstress with the Singing Machine, a tidy, portable karaoke machine that plays 80 pop, rock and R&B CDs while displaying the song lyrics on a seven inch video screen that's so foolproof even a wacked-out Whitney Houston can't mess up the words to "Greatest Love of All."
$199, Toys R Us; 650 University Dr.,
Fort Lauderdale, 954-752-6100;
20429 State Road 7, Boca Raton,

Unsatisfied Girlfriend
She complains to you incessantly that you don't fulfill her needs. You have no clue what she wants. You've read everything John Gray has ever written. You've even secretly subscribed to both Rosie and Oprah magazines. Still, the answer to what women want is as much a mystery as the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa. Therefore, short of throwing your gal to the curb, the only solution is this: Get her the DVD of What Women Want, that ridiculous movie starring a chunky Mel Gibson and a bland- as-melba-toast Helen Hunt. Huh? Think of it this way, the movie doesn't make any more sense than your girlfriend's rantings, so at least this flick is some proof that no one, not even Hollywood and a formerly hunky Mel Gibson, has a clue what women want.
Best Buy, 12301 W Sunrise Blvd.,
Fort Lauderdale, 954-423-1999;
20540 State Road 7, Boca Raton,

Club Kid
Don't feel bad for the clubkid who whines that no one understands his or her way of life. They love the nightlife, they've got to boogie. They're not the only ones. Show your support for their nocturnal lifestyle by proving that, for other people, too, there is Life After Dark, a comprehensive coffee-table book showcasing celebrities--what, you thought real people had exciting nightlives?--partying down over the past three decades.
$30, Borders Books and Music,
700 University Dr., Fort Lauderdale, 954-340-3309;
9887 Glades Rd., Boca Raton, 561-883-5854

Easy Rider
A Harley is way too intimidating and a Vespa, well, too Ricky Martin. So how about buying your biker babe something that's butch enough for Queen Latifah, but tame enough for Justin Timberlake? Thanks to Buell Motorcycles, such a toy exists in the form of the Blast, a $4,000 beauty that's also good enough for fly guy Lenny Kravitz. For the novice driver, there's even a Rider's Edge program that will toughen up any softie who still needs training wheels.

Label Whore
She has no qualms spending $80 on a T-shirt as long as some haute couture label is loudly emblazoned on it, but she fails to see the need to spend $5 on a cab ride home even if it means walking a few miles in her masochistic Manolo Blahnik stilettos. She'll even admit that she delved into Ashtanga yoga when she discovered, thanks to In Style magazine, that Madonna is a devout fanatic. And while she'll complain that her yoga classes are a bit pricey, she wouldn't flinch when she hears that this Gucci yoga mat costs $870. In fact, she'll be more than happy to remain in the Lotus position for hours as long as she's contorting herself on this stylish mat on which the yin and yang of label whores--the Gucci logo--is repeated more times than she can say "ohm." And because yoga certainly works up a major sweat, she'll certainly need a water bottle to quench her thirst. Gucci makes one of those, too. It's only $80. Don't even think of hiding that article in which the dudes from Dolce and Gabbana praise the wonders of jump roping. Though they haven't yet made a D&G jump rope, Gucci has. It's only $120 and comes in a stylish case. And you thought your fancy cross trainers were a bit extravagant.
Gucci, 256 Worth Ave., Palm Beach,

Paranoid Pal
No dosage of prescription drugs can relieve this person of the anxiety of believing that everyone and everything is out to get him. He's a prisoner of his own paranoia and walks through life as if it were a never-ending scene in some horror flick starring Jamie Lee Curtis in which every step may be his last. He had to get rid of his dog because he thought the fleas were really a form of FBI wire-tapping. The last time you rang his bell, you heard blood- curdling shrieks coming from inside. Apparently he thought you were coming to take him away. The men in the white suits tried that route, but it didn't work. Give your plagued friend a small sense of security in the form of Philips' Mini wired color security camera, which can be mounted anywhere, from the basement to the backyard. At least if Jason really comes to get him, he'll be able to recognize the hockey mask in advance and prepare to panic accordingly.
$59.99, Target, 3200 N Federal Hwy.,
Fort Lauderdale, 954-390-7992;
1200 Linton Blvd., Delray Beach,

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