By Natalya Jones
By County Grind
By Liz Tracy
By Chris Joseph
By Liz Tracy
By Matt Preira
By Jesse Scheckner
By Michael E. Miller
Prince: The Purple One records more than the average person has bowel movements. In fact, bowel movements would've been preferable to the fecal matter he pulled out of storage to get out of his slave deal with Warner Bros.
The Winner: Wesley Willis:He has allegedly written more than 700 songs, but judging by their cultural references ("Kurt Cobain," "Easy E," "Saddam Hussein," and "Pepsi-Uh huh!"), most of these songs were written in the early '90s.
4. Rock's Greatest Weight Problem: Brian Wilson:He continued to eat like a beluga whale even after he opened his own health-food store.
Daniel Johnston: He acknowledges he has an eating problem with "McDonald's on the Brain."
The Winner: Wesley Willis:His preoccupation with food checkers even love songs like "Tammy Smith" ("You are my lovely lady/I love you like a milkshake"). The 350-pounder praises McDonald's for playing good music in "Rock and Roll McDonald's" and blames his visits to the golden arches, Burger King, Wendy's, and White Castle from 1987 to 1991 for his excess girth in verse two. He angrily notes that McDonald's hamburgers are the worst, with the Big Mac containing 26 grams of fat and the Quarter Pounder 28 grams of fat. His strict new diet is hinted at in the song's sign-off plug for "Wheaties, Breakfast of Champions."
5. Rock's Biggest Proponent of the Profane and the Divine: Jerry Lee Lewis:Although he never addressed it in a song, the Killer knew he was playing the devil's music and continued to rock to give his cousin, the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, more fodder for his long-winded sermons.
Prince: The contradictory nature of praising the Almighty while recording sinful material like "Jack U Off," "Erotic City," "Horny Toad," "Head," the incestuous "Sister," "Sexy Motherfucker," and "Irresistible Bitch" is addressed on "Temptation," in which Prince, as the voice of God, tells his bad self that "love is more important than sex" before killing him off.
The Winner: Wesley Willis:Wesley has no problem mixing religion with profanity in "Jesus Is the Answer": "Number one: I'm gonna do this song again/Number two: I'm gonna do this song again all the way up your ass/ Number three: I'm gonna fuck your ass up like in a car crash/Number four: I'm gonna fuck you up like a goddamn accident/And number five: Jesus Is the Answer!"