Hey, Mr. Spacemen

Music writer Leah Gliniewicz was abducted by the aliens known to Earthlings as the techno group Spacemen. She was able to beam this report back to New Times.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

Question:

First of all, what is your mission here on Earth?

Answer:

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Translation:

Earthlings have an unfortunate habit of self-destructing... of not giving themselves an outlet to release their pent-up frustrations and angst, which can be fatal not only to themselves but to all that surrounds them. Humans are in danger of extinction, and we are here to save them...

Question:

Are the different designs and patterns on your faces to tell each other apart? That is, do you have names?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl

Translation:

To give us names would imply that we are separate entities, when in fact we are one massive ball of cosmic energy capable of incredible intonations.

Question:

Where in the universe do you call home?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfk lsjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfjfklsjfkldjflks djfjslfjdlkjfk

Translation:

We are from a planet that Earth science has not yet discovered and probably won't for a while. We have a base on Europa, a moon of the planet Jupiter, within your solar system. That is where we stay between visits to Earth.

Question:

Who designed your space suits, and do they serve a purpose?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfklsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfklsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl

Translation:

The engineers of our home planet designed them for deep space travel and optimum performance in unfamiliar atmospheres. Again, Earth is very warm and dry; our delicate skins are very susceptible to dehydration, which can be deadly...

Question:

Who is the fourth alien that joins you three during your shows?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd

Translation:

He is called Hazmaat...

Question:

Is he of the same species as the Spacemen?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfk lsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkld

Translation:

Not exactly; he is what you would call a shape shifter, as well as a very powerful overlord where he comes from. He assumes the shape of the imagination of the Earthlings in attendance. It is quite a vision.

Question:

Do you ever get homesick?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkld

Translation:

Yes, quite often. Earth is a simple place. It's very hot; we're not used to being so close to the sun. There's not enough moisture either, and what moisture you do have is polluted.

Question:

How long have Spacemen been together?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfklsjfld kkja;kdlsakdas;ldksapda

Translation:

Spacemen have been around longer than time itself... We rescued Hazmaat from his home planet before it exploded two-and-one-half Earth years ago, unfortunately the only world we were unable to save.

Question:

How would you describe the Spacemen sound?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfklsjfl

Translation:

The Spacemen sound is extremely intelligent, which communicates enlightening cosmic rhythms.

Question:

What instruments do you use?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllldsjfk djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjdjfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjlsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclks

Translation:

We use all kinds of keyboard and computer gear to relay our message to you. We use special gear that we brought with us along with gear acquired on Earth. Some of the makers of the Earth gear are as follows: Roland, Korg, E-MU/Ensoniq, Access.

Question:

I understand Spacemen are in the middle of a U.S. tour; when did it kick off?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjfld sopfidspoifds;kfds;f[psfds

Translation:

Late May of this year, and continues until the Winter Music Conference 2003, after which we return to Europa for a much-needed rest...

Question:

Back in the 1980s, I remember a group called the Spacemen 3 who were from the U.K.; you wouldn't happen to know them, would you?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflfjdlkjfkl sjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldldsjfklsjfkldjflks jfjslfkjfklsjfllvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd

Translation:

No, we are not related to them, but from what we understand, they were trying to relay the same message that we are trying to relay to you. "Live Long and Prosper," as Spock would say...

Question:

Where has the tour taken you so far?

Answer:

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Translation:

Many, many places...

Question:

Can you name a few?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfkl sjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfklsjfld fjsd;f,;dkf;sldkf'dslf';dsfo[dasorp

Translation:

Los Angeles, Austin, Dallas, Houston, Daytona, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Birmingham, Las Vegas, Tampa, Salt Lake City, San Diego, Miami, Denver... the list goes on...

Question:

Do the Spacemen have new music out? Answer:

lvpfodfukzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfldjflkfjdlkjfkl sjfldfdsfdskfsd;fkj;dskf;ldskf;dsfdsfsd

Translation:

We are about to release a single called "E.M.N."; we're also reissuing our self-titled debut CD early next year...

Question:

How does it differ from the original CD release from July 2001?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfk lsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfkl sjflfdklfjfjpdsfpsdfkpodsfds

Translation:

Some new bonus tracks as well as new artwork, which may turn our original release into a collector's item...

Question:

What's the best part about performing for Earthlings?

Answer:

jckzxmclksdjfkljfkldxjfkldjf kdjfkllksdjfjslfjdlkjfk lsjfldjfpsdfpdskfsd fdsufksdofuds

Translation:

The incredible energy level. We can feel it come over us like a wave as soon as we materialize onstage. And boobs. We like the boobs.

Question:

What is the typical reaction from humans after they see a Spacemen show?

Answer:

lvpfodfuoslksd jfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfklsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfk lsjflfdsffgfgfdpfdfgfdppofksdpokdpsa

Translation:

Usually fascination and disbelief that they have, in fact, seen beings from other worlds. They give us a great deal of love, for which we are grateful.

Question:

Do the Spacemen have a loyal Earthling following?

Answer:

lvpfodfuosijckzxmclks djfkljfkldxjfkldjfkljfkldxjfkldjfkdjfkldsjfklsjfkldjflksdjfjslfjdlkjfklsjfl

Translation:

Incredibly loyal; we've been told of humans who have traveled great distances just to attend our appearances. Again, for that we are eternally grateful.

Question:

Where can I tell Earthlings to go if they want to learn more about Spacemen?

Answer:

jfklfdsjlksdfjlkd

www.space,em-are-coming.com

www.innervisionmusic.com

Translation:

We can be located in cyberspace at

www.spacemen-are-coming.com or

www.innervisionmusic.com.

 
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