Radio Silence

Bandwidth takes to the airwaves -- and lives to tell the tale

WHYI: Pink's inane, maudlin ballad "Family Portrait" makes me ask "Why, One Hundred?" About 100 times.

WEDR: The techno-ragga artist informing me that I "got five seconds to get on the dance floor" must not know I'm on westbound Davie Boulevard. Shit, it's gonna take five minutes just to get past this light!

WKPX (88.5): If it's not kiddie punk, it's brick-tumbling death metal with Cookie Monster "vo-kills."

WTMI/93.1: Party 93.1 has apparently allowed a seventh song to penetrate the playlist, in this case Opus III's techno chestnut "It's a Fine Day." Welcome!

WLYF/101.5: No telling what song Lite 101.5 is currently inflicting upon our fair citizens, but it sounds like a pitch-corrected Charlotte Church revisiting a Toto medley in a wind tunnel. Horrendous.

104.1: The search for my new favorite station is over. The Boss' scratchy old roots reggae records -- and flesh-and-blood DJs -- are too good to ignore.

Thursday, January 9, 7-9 a.m.

WHYI/100.7: Repeated exposure to Kenny and Footy, the pair of bumbling numbnuts who run the morning show on Y100, has been shown to lead to an increase in sick days among the Broward workforce. And waiting for the two to come up with anything remotely funny is a sure-fire way to show up tardy.

WZTA/94.9: In hindsight, the Kenny and Footy show is like NewsHour with Jim Lehrercompared to Paul Castronovo and Young Ron Brewer, the morning jocks at ZETA.

WHYI/100.7: "The Game of Love," attributed to Santana featuring Michelle Branch, gives love yet another bad name.

104.1: Big ups to Tony Green, knowledgeable disc jockey for the Boss. Predictably, however, the histrionic "news" program issues a hearty pat on the back to Miriam Oliphant and a scathing slap at wrong-way man slaughterer David Farrall.

Friday, January 10, 10:30 a.m.

104.1: As the leering visages of Scott Stapp, Shakira, and Missy Elliot stare down from a demonic ClearChannel billboard, the Boss is kicking it old school with "Tell Me Something Good" from Rufus and Chaka Khan, followed by Billy Preston's "Nothing from Nothing." Yessir, think I've found my new station.

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