Power to the Pudge!

Get ready for another Marlins dismantling

Ecstasy bulk sales tax: Seems like a difficult one to collect, but I've been assured by a couple of lollipop-sucking water-chugging Marlins fans who move copious amounts of E each month that it can easily be done at the wholesale level. Come on, South Florida made you guys! Given that about one in four Miami-Dade and Broward residents rolls at least ten times a year, the proposed tax (a reasonable 3.5 percent) could bring in enough to keep Miguel Cabrera in town for the next decade. Estimated annual revenues: $4.25 million.

Market-specific fundraisers: Next month, an estimated 50,000 activists will be coming to the region to peacefully voice their opposition to the creation of a hemispheric trade pact. Most will be from cooler climes and not accustomed to our humid tropical air, especially in November. Preliminary polling by South Florida's own Bendixen & Associates indicates they would gladly pay a value-added tax on refreshing water balloons sold by PPF-sanctioned vendors. Assuming a police response worthy of the city's reputation, revenues could be substantial. Estimate: $250,000.

Pudge and Josh hope to ride the D-train to riches
Pudge and Josh hope to ride the D-train to riches

Let's see, that adds up to $71.3 million. It's no Yankees payroll, but it'll keep us in the ballpark. Go Fish.

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