This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

THU 1/5Quicker than you can say "gratuitous beaver shot," the Cheetah Hallandale decided it's the perfect time for Pornfest 2004. Although pretty much any night at the Cheetah could be considered a "pornfest," this weekend is the real deal, both for porn stars and for the freaks that have an unhealthy obsession with them. Contestants compete for the titles of Miss Nude Porn USA, Miss Nude Porn World, Miss Nude Porn International -- seems Miss Partially Nude USA is sure at a disadvantage here -- as well as Miss Fetish, Miss Dominatrix, and possibly the lesser-known titles of Miss Inflato-Chest, Miss Gangbang USA, and Miss Lost Gag Reflex International. Will there be a "competition" portion of the show? Perhaps an oral test? Find out Thursday through Saturday at the Cheetah (100 Ansin Blvd., Hallandale Beach). Shows start every night at 8. Call 954-455-2131.

FRI 1/16Comedian Richard Jeni, the Platypus Man himself (hey, his words, not ours -- he titled an HBO Comedy Hour and his short-lived sitcom after the Australian abnormality), pays a visit to the Improv CityPlace (550 S. Rosemary Ave., West Palm Beach) this Thursday through Sunday. At first glance, one would assume Jeni to be yet another of the nigh innumerable Italian-American comedians who brag about their tough hometowns and complain about everything else. And, in a sense, you'd be right. But Jeni's timing and delivery as well as his hilarious observations put him a cut above all those goombah comedians swirling below him like extra-large meatballs in mama's homemade pasta sauce. Catch the show Thursday at 8 p.m.; today at 8 and 10 p.m.; Saturday at 7, 9, and 11 p.m.; and Sunday at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $20 to $22, plus the usual two-drink minimum endemic to comedy performances. Call 561-833-1812.

SAT 1/17The Broward Chapter of the ACLU gathers for its monthly meeting today, but this meeting is a bit different. In this very special episode, the Broward ACLU presents a vignette titled Patriot Act: The Value of Names, by Jeffrey Sweet, that revolves around two friends who are reunited years after one ratted out the other to the House Un-American Activities Committee in the 1950s. Who says friendship can't stand the test of time? The meeting also features an interactive discussion with Florida ACLU Executive Director Howard Simon and a posthumous awards ceremony honoring the lifetime work of philanthropist John Graves and late ACLU branch president Paul Joseph. This event is free and starts at 1 p.m. at the Hollywood Playhouse (2640 Washington St., Hollywood). Call 954-926-6700 for reservations.

SUN 1/18The American Bikers Aiming Toward Education (ABATE) holds a motorcycle rights rally at noon at Last Call Blues Bar and Grill (5280 N. State Rd. 7, Fort Lauderdale), so pull on your leather jacket, hop on your hog, rev the engine, and strap on your helmet -- hahahaha! Just kidding about that last part. ABATE, the only motorcycle-rights organization in the state with paid lobbyists, makes damn sure you don't have to wear a helmet. Letting the breeze whistle through your long hair and ZZ Top beard is your God-given right, as long as you've got the proper insurance requirements -- of course, you've got to accept the consequences of popping your head open like an overripe melon, but who wants to think about that bit? In any case, it ain't the government's job to tell you what to wear, and ABATE makes sure that it stays that way. And with live music by Sonnie and the Road Kings and the New York Horns as well as door prizes, food, vendors, and games, this is a rally that plays politics while keeping it fun. Call 954-733-0990.

MON 1/19Hey, kids! It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and there's no school! So instead of sitting at home and watching reruns of The Price Is Right, head over to Young at Art Children's Museum (11584 W. State Rd. 84, Davie) for an Art Mini-Camp. Kids ages 5 to 12 flex their creative muscles and make clay sculptures based on the work of Salvador Dalí. Things get trippy at 9 a.m. The all-day class costs $40 and includes supplies. Call 954-424-0085 for reservations.

TUE 1/20Bow ties are the perfect accent for political commentary. They're the new black. Just ask Mo Rocca, the media correspondent from Comedy Central's The Daily Show. Rocca's deadpan, flippant but nevertheless relevant brand of comedic delivery has infiltrated The Daily Show, with the help of his trademark bow tie, for nearly three years. Rocca recently added "host" to his résumé with the Smoking Gun TV series, based on the website that uncovers bizarre and incriminating celebrity-related scandals and brings them to the masses. And as a man who used to work on a Nickelodeon children's show by day and edit the titty mag Perfect 10 at night, who else would you trust to bring you the latest political flimflammery? Rocca unleashes his wisdom at Nova Southeastern University (3301 College Ave., Fort Lauderdale) as part of the "Life 101... Personally Speaking" lecture series at 7 p.m. Call 954-262-7283.

WED 1/21Cornell Museum (51 N. Swinton Ave., Delray Beach) hosts A Gathering of Kuumba from January 15 through March 14, making today a great day to head out to the museum and catch the exhibit in its first week on display. Kuumba -- Swahili for creativity -- is a word closely associated with Kwanzaa, the weeklong holiday that ended New Year's Day. In fact, Kuumba is one of Kwanzaa's seven guiding principles, and it is in the spirit of this creativity that Cornell Museum features the artwork of 13 local African-American and Haitian artists. Admission is $6 for adults, $4 for seniors and students ages 14 to 21. Call 561-243-7922.

 
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