THU 1/22You know that feeling you get when you see a circus clown? Like, it's mildly comical, but mostly, it's really freakin' scary? That's how we felt when President Bush signed the Partial Birth Abortion Ban in November and thanked the people who helped drive that legislation -- 12 men, zero women. Excuse us, but do any of them know firsthand the trials and tribulations that come with having a uterus? If, during his term, Bush appoints any conservative Supreme Court justices, women might be saying bye-bye to the right to make their own decisions about reproduction. For now, at least, celebrate the 31st anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision during a cocktail reception hosted by the Pro-Choice Coalition of Palm Beach County. Bonus: It's at Biba (320 Belvedere Rd., West Palm Beach), one of the most progressive venues this side of Ruth Bader Ginsberg's bench. Starts at 6:30 p.m. and costs $31. Call 561-472-9940.
FRI 1/23Heeeere's Henry! Again! Yes, the brickhouse social commentator and all-around tough-guy mouthpiece Henry Rollinsis back in South Florida to threaten us with fist-shaking standup comedy and vein-bulging rants. But don't be afraid. Anyone who's seen Hank do his spoken word live could tell you he's not the menacing, wild-eyed pistol he was back in the Black Flag-waving days. Not that he's going soft -- but guest-starring on The Drew Carey Show can make you reexamine your take on life, ya know? He still hates Dubya, though, so check him out at Carefree Theatre (2000 S. Dixie Hwy., West Palm Beach) at 8 p.m. Call 561-833-7305. Can you taste that? It's sweet, sweet irony. By a totally hilarious coincidence, the Village People are playing tonight as well -- at the South Florida Fairgrounds, 9067 Southern Blvd., West Palm Beach. Call 561-793-0333. If you can't decide which show you want to go to, there's always line dancing.
SAT 1/24Legend has it that in 1934, famous mobster Al Capone kidnapped Carmilla Cantello, a beautiful opera singer with whom he was obsessed. He then whisked her away to his secluded barrier island (now Deerfield Island). Cantello's husband, Vincent, also a singer, came looking for her but was killed by Capone's henchmen... or was he? Singing was heard the night after Vincent was supposedly axed, so Capone ordered his men to prove they'd carried out the murder by showing him Vincent's head. But when the thugs went to collect Vincent's body, it was nowhere to be found. Today, locals supposedly still hear Italian opera mysteriously wafting through the air. Learn more through discussions, displays, and a nature walk during Al Capone Dayat Deerfield Island Park, 1720 Deerfield Island Park, Deerfield Beach. The event costs $4, and reservations are required. Call 954-360-1320.
SUN 1/25We're ankle-deep into 2004, and it's time to remember those pesky things of which you spoke last December: resolutions. Perhaps some salsa aerobics will help jog your memory. The David Posnack Jewish Community Center (5850 S. Pine Island Rd., Davie) offers a variety of workshops, including acupuncture and aquacize, during its New Year, New Age, New You Fitness Expo. Not that there's anything wrong with the old you. We dig you just the way you are. For our part, we'll admit that we remain shamelessly addicted to Rich Girls on MTV, and the Eskimo Pies may have to be pried from our cold, dead hands. The expo starts at 8:45 a.m. and costs $15. Call 954-434-0499.
MON 1/26Why is it that when Europeans combine a theatrical performance with music, they get "operas," but when Americans do it, we get "musicals"? Anyway, you'll be able to see the steam rise off the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts (701 Okeechobee Blvd.,West Palm Beach) stage during the Palm Beach Opera's production of Carmen, involving a sexy, carefree gypsy woman, an AWOL soldier, and a dashing toreador. Come a half-hour early for "Curtain Warmers," a preperformance lecture that will get you primed on who's who and what's going on in the plot. This is helpful, since the opera is sung in French (with English translation in supertitles). Check out the final performances Monday. Tickets cost $18 to $180. Call 561-833-7888 or visit www.kravis.org for performance times.
TUE 1/27Wanna get your chi in check? Don't we all? Before tax season hits, try out some Tai Chi classes at the Arthritis Foundation, 400 Hibiscus St., West Palm Beach. Tai Chi doesn't require you to get into impossible positions like yoga. No, this ancient Chinese form of coordinated body movement is all about relaxation through breathing. And with enough practice, your stamina and mental and physical strength will increase, your concentration and flexibility will improve, you'll learn how arms, legs, hands, and feet cooperate, and you could realistically take out any bellicose opponent -- with your mind. Classes start at 10:30 a.m. and cost $66 for a six-week class. Call 561-833-1133.
WED 1/28If you have an attic full of art and don't know what anything's worth or if anything's even worth keeping, come to the Palm Beach Institute of Contemporary Art (601 Lake Ave., Lake Worth) for an Art Collectors and Gallery Owners Panel. Several Palm Beach County contemporary art collectors and New York City gallery owners discuss the ins and outs of collecting, critiquing, and selling art. Lecture starts at 7 p.m. and is free as part of PBICA's three-part series on collecting contemporary art. Call 561-582-0006, or visit www.palmbeachica.org.