If you can't live in a pineapple under the sea...
SAT 3/27 "You drill holes in two machetes. You light them on fire. You put them on your feet. You dance, you throw them, you eat the fire. You know?" Tossing fiery machetes around is all in a day's work for Tama Leao, who came to Fort Lauderdale from Honolulu several years ago but is just getting around to fulfilling his dream of producing a "Polynesian Festival." His vision will be realized from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. today when Pacific Islanders and wannabes converge on Easterlin Park (1000 NW 38th St., Oakland Park) to dance in coconut bras, sip fruity (nonalcoholic) drinks, and eat Kahlua pig --shredded pork cooked in an underground pit, in a sauce made of green bananas and coconut milk.
All attendees receive free plastic leis and are welcome to enter the hula contest. Leao will also perform with his band ("We do 'Tiny Bubbles.' We do 'Blue Hawaii.'") and teach listeners how to do the huki lau -- "a lesson in Polynesian dancing and the language of hands." And yes, Leao will shake what his mama gave him while juggling flaming machetes. "I'm a master fire knife dancer," he says. "I'm an icon. Like Arnold Palmer. You know?" Admission is $3 for adults, free for kids. Call 954-938-9010. -- Deirdra FuncheonThe Need for Speed
SAT 3/27 Maverick. Iceman. Goose. Don't the names make you nostalgic for the days when, if some commies wanted to mess with us, they'd come at us in their MiGs and we would dispatch our studly renegade pilot to go make smoked borscht out of their asses? None of this pesky, unpredictable, suicide-bomber crap.
Tonight, you can relive the slick, arrogant, crotch-rockin' '80s when the City of Hollywood shows Top Gun on an outdoor screen at Anniversary Park (Hollywood Boulevard and 20th Avenue). The top-grossing movie of 1986 featured Val Kilmer as Iceman, Anthony Edwards as Goose, Meg Ryan as Mrs. Goose, and Tom Cruise as a fighter pilot hot for his teacher, Kelly McGillis (she's ripe for a Where Are They Now? special on VH1, doncha think?). So slip on your brown leather bomber jacket, and when you pick up your friends, be sure to say, "That's right, Iceman. I am dangerous." The movie is free. Call 954-921-3016, ext. 19. -- Deirdra Funcheon
Singles for Sale
For a night, at least
THU 3/25 With the popularity of reality shows like ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, the prospect of auction-block romance no longer seems laughable. Of course, these marriages usually end faster than you can say annulment or Britney Spears. The problem is the scope of their aspirations. Love at first sight is one thing, but marriage? Well, at the "Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction" hosted by Hugh Jorgan's Dueling Piano Bar (96 NE Second Ave., Delray Beach), you're committed only to a single evening. Choose from two dozen Delray Beach firefighters, police officers, and civic employees. The $5 admission benefits the American Cancer Society, and bidding starts at 8 p.m. Call 561-272-7887. -- Jason BudjinskiDigital Da Vinci
FRI 3/26 Though fine artists tend to look down their noses at computer-generated art, there are plenty of Macintosh Michelangelos, such as Dr. Kyra Belán, proving that painting with pixels is just as valid as its liquid predecessor. Belán's exhibit, "Lady Liberty, American Archetypes," explores female iconography, from that great stern statue all the way to Madonna. The exhibit runs through April 23 at the South Campus of Broward Community College (7200 Pines Blvd., Pembroke Pines). Call 954-201-8895. -- Jason Budjinski