THU 10Going to see comedian Angel Salazar is a lot like going to see Shamu at Sea World. You have to decide: Are you one of those people who wants to sit in the front row, getting a faceful of Salazar's butt when he takes off his miniskirt and strips down to his diaper? Or do you prefer to sit anonymously in the back, feeling just fineif the comic chooses to dance with someone else during his Richard Simmons impression? If you answer the latter, too bad, because there aren't any seats for wusses when Salazar's in the house. For a five-foot-five dude (who, by the way, has opened for Van Halen and acted in Scarface and Carlito's Way), he has a commanding presence. Expect street-smart humor, risqué jokes, and audience participation. Salazar performs at Uncle Funny's Comedy Club (9160 State Rd. 84, Davie) today (at 8 p.m.) through Sunday. Call 954-474-5653, or visit www.unclefunnys.net.
FRI 11Hal Ketchum is perhaps the hottest of hot country stars. The 51-year-old singer-songwriter is equal parts a man's man (he does carpentry, and his buddies include Willie Nelson and Jimmie Dale Gilmore), a ladies' man (his classic good looks are reminiscent of Rhett Butler, and he writes poetry), and a renaissance man (he's a painter, an avid reader, and an author of children's books). Not to mention, he's a political activist. After wrapping up the current leg of his tour at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino ( 3101 N. State Rd. 7, Hollywood) tonight, beginning at 8, he'll make a pit stop in Nashville on June 28 to perform "Kerry-oke" -- a karaoke concert to raise money for John Kerry's presidential campaign. That's right -- Ketchum's not your fly-the-flag-or-you're-a-commie-traitor variety of country singer. And you can bet he won't be touring with Toby Keith anytime soon. Tickets for the Hard Rock show cost $25. Call 954-523-3309, or visit www.ticketmaster.com.
SAT 12Jessica Simpsonis like a rich man's Anna Nicole Smith. The pop singer turned reality-television star keeps the MTV crowd tuned in with her unladylike manners and sheer brazen ditziness (her word, not ours). On the show Newlyweds, a behind-the-scenes look at life with Simpson and hubby Nick Lachey, the blond bomber created a buzz when she couldn't differentiate between chicken and tuna (chicken restaurants can't serve fish, can they?). Add to that her need to let everyone know she just ate some chicken, or tuna, with a nice, well-fed belch. So now that you know way too much about her personal life, it'll give you something to think about as you watch her hit those high notes at Sound Advice Amphitheatre (601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach). Maybe it's good that Simpson keeps with her music, as long as the microphone's turned off between songs. We don't need to hear any pseudo-Seinfeldisms on why Buffalo wings are really made of chicken. Show starts at 7:30 p.m. Tickets cost $21 to $46. Call 561-793-0445.
SUN 13Ahh, Sundays. You've slept in late and played hooky from church yet again. What better way to repent than to go appreciate some of nature's miraculous creations, like coconuts? It just so happens that there's a Coconuts Festivalhappening today at Crandon Park Beach (4000 Crandon Blvd., Key Biscayne). You can enter the coconut shucking contest, learn how to cook using coconuts, get schooled in palm frond weaving, and listen to live music. The park staff presumes that a piña colada-seller will be among the vendors, but if you want to be on the safe side, you can bring your own -- provided they're in plastic, not glass, containers. Beer is also allowed -- as long as it's in a can or a keg! The event lasts from 10 a.m. until 6 p.m. and is free except for the $4 you'll pay to park under the swaying coconut palms. Call 305-361-5421.
MON 14Since 2001, ArtsUnited's United and Proud exhibit has been held every June to showcase the work of local gay and lesbian artists in honor of Gay and Lesbian Pride Month. The exhibit, which features the work of roughly 50 artists, has been criticized for carrying pieces that don't deal with gay and lesbian issues. But that's just plain unfair. They're artists; they're not supposed to be limited to what they can create. Fortunately, ArtsUnited came up with a solution to this dilemma by asking the artists to submit statements about equal rights (this year's theme), which are posted next to their works. As an added incentive for artists to stick with the theme, prizes are awarded for "Best of Show" and "People's Choice." The exhibit is on display in Gallery Six at the Broward County Main Library (100 S. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale) and runs through June 25. Call 954-828-9127.
TUE 15It's been nearly 40 years since Eric Claptonmade his mark as the first of three legendary guitarists to have played in the Yardbirds (the other two being Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page). However, Clapton soon grew wary of the band's increasingly pop-oriented direction and figured he'd better stick with blues playing, joining John Mayall's Bluesbreakers and later forming Cream, Blind Faith, and Derek and the Dominos. It wasn't until the mid '70s that Clapton's solo career took off, though his propensity for the rock ballad somewhat eclipsed his role as blues hero. But what the hell? Whatever sells records, right? You can see ol' Slowhand at 7:30 p.m. at Office Depot Center (1 Panthers Pkwy., Sunrise). Tickets cost $46.50 to $86.50. If you can' t make it to the show, you can always watch the strangely titled video The Cream of Eric Clapton. Yes, that's really what it's called. Call 954-835-8499.
WED 16If you haven't heard of Freddy Adu by now, you either live under some sort of geological formation or you're just not paying attention. Freddy is the phenomenally gifted soccer prodigy taking the sports world by storm. He's been dubbed the next Pele, and he became the youngest athlete ever to sign a major sports contract when the D.C. United inked him to a four-year deal at the tender age of 14. He'll be playing for the United States' under-20 soccer team Wednesday when it takes on Brazil in an internationally friendly game at Lockhart Stadium (301 NW 12th Ave., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $20 for adults, $10 for kids. Game time is 8 p.m. Call 877-877-7677.