THU 1After graduating from college, comedian Richard Jenisoon took what he thought was his dream job, working for a public relations firm. But Jeni's quick descent into a lethargic slumber (quite reminiscent of Homer Simpson's on-the-job dawdling) got him fired after only six months. Just think, if Jeni hadn't been a slacker, he never would have had a special on Showtime. Or had George Carlin present him with an award for Best Male Standup. Or gotten to play Jim Carrey's best buddy in Mask. So with all that in mind, the corporate world eventually came crawling back to Jeni, begging him to be in commercials for the likes of Certs breath mints, the Milk Association, and Arby's restaurant. Talk about having your Arby-Q and eating it too. Jeni performs tonight through Saturday at the Palm Beach Improv (550 S. Rosemary Ave., Ste. 250, West Palm Beach). Tickets cost $21.20 to $25.44. Call 561-833-1812.
FRI 2Though Cypress Hill gave a firsthand account of the demanding realities of hip-hop stardom in its song "Rap Superstar," the warning largely fell on deaf (def?) ears. But Tha Union is trying to fix that. With a stated mission of "protesting the corrupt and heartless practices of the music industry," the Miami-based entertainment company isn't composed of fat-cat record executives but of artists like Caliba and CTraffik, who perform at tonight's Hip Hop Xplosion at OHM Nightclub (124 N. Dixie Hwy., West Palm Beach). Also taking the stage are Rick Ross, Gun Play Murdock, Ashley Ross, Nittie Torch, and the SoFLA Kingz. The event is a collaboration with Street Talk Promotions, which will hand out a free copy of its Future of the South compilation to the first 25 people through the door. Admission costs $10, and you get a free bottle of Grey Goose for every ten people you bring. Show starts at 9 p.m. Call 561-856-7735.
SAT 3Pediatric brain tumors are the leading cause of death among children. It's sad and frustrating to see a young person have to suffer through cancer treatments. It makes you want to throw something. How about throwing a bowling ball? It may not cure the disease, but it will help. The $30 you pay to be part of the "Spare the Children & Strike Out Brain Tumors" Bowl-a-thon and Dinner -- which includes three games of bowling, dinner, raffles, a silent auction, and "the famous diamond hunt" -- will be used for the development of new technology to fight tumors and for awareness campaigns. The event takes place at Strikers Family Sport Center (8500 NW 44th St., Lauderhill). Reservations should be made in advance; call 954-345-0699, or visit www.miraclesinthemaking.org.
SUN 4It's probably been a while since you spent the day making sandcastles at the beach. And you remember well the reason you quit: You hated putting loads and loads of meticulous work into a sculpture only to have it washed away by the rain or trampled by 9-year-olds on a field trip. Who can blame you for throwing in the beach towel? Michelangelo probably would have quit too had some bully come and broken the arms off David or shot spitballs at the artist while he painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. But you can guarantee none of that will happen if you enter the 11th Annual Sand Sculpting Contest at Delray Beach (behind the Delray Beach Marriott at the corner of Atlantic Avenue and AIA), where you can win up to $100 for your beachside bas relief. Registration costs $15 to $50, and the contest begins at 8 a.m. Call 561-279-1380, ext. 17.
MON 5If there is any justice, you will NOT get gypped out of a holiday because the Fourth of July is on Sunday this year. You will have today off. And you will celebrate with baseball, beer, and hot dogs -- all available at Roger Dean Stadium (4751 Main St., Jupiter). At 7:05 p.m., the Jupiter Hammerheads beam the first pitch at the Tampa Yankees in what should be a spectacular showdown between a lot of guys who are battling to get in the bigs. The game is the first of a four-night stand. Tickets cost $7. Call 561-775-1818.
TUE 6If you're planning to register for college this fall, you may consider leaving Wednesdays available for sleeping in. Yep, Tuesday is College Nightat Cheers Food and Spirits (941 E. Cypress Creek Rd., Fort Lauderdale), featuring all the wholesome, brain-enhancing activities so popular with the college crowd, such as beer chugging and wet T-shirt contests. Ladies drink free till midnight, though there's always that drunken guy throwing money at any girl who looks his way. The night begins at 9:30 p.m. and doesn't end till 4 a.m. That gives you plenty of time to persuade that hottie from algebra class that he or she needs to do some dancing. And with DJs Fleaflicker and Lunchbox on spin duty, it'll be a cinch. It's more fun than doing keg stands on the night of final exams! Girls, you have to be at least 18 to enter; guys, 21. Call 954-771-6337.
WED 7Ellen DeGeneres has gone the way of Rosie O'Donnell, into the boring abyss of daytime TV. Margaret Cho must be snoozing somewhere, and, last time we checked, Paula Poundstone was still up to her neck in community service after dodging child abuse charges (although admittedly, we haven't checked in a while). So what's our point? The world is ready for -- no, the world needs -- a brilliant, ballsy, new female comic. Pam Bruno might joke that she's not quite so new -- she's in her 50s -- but that means she's had time to accumulate loads of life experiences and crazy family members to rag on. Check her out during Amateur Night at Uncle Funny's Comedy Club (9160 State Rd. 84, Davie) at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $8. Call 954-474-5653.