D.O.A. Delivery

Gidget Gein, taxi driver for the dead. He picks 'em up at $20 a pop. It's a job made in heaven.

A A A Comments By Jeff Stratton Thursday, Jul 29 2004

...continued from page 5

Gein finds a not-too-terribly undignified position for Mr. Moskowitz, knowing the man isn't likely to complain. In less than a minute, he's done. Walking out of this room feels like what a hit of smack must feel like -- comforting and soothing. Even Gein seems happy to shut the door behind him.

Even though his charge wasn't decomposing noticeably, Gein sprays the van liberally with Natural Citrus Eliminator. "I'm addicted to this stuff," he says as he sniffs the corrected atmosphere. "I have an air-freshener fetish!" Then, in the dark van, he fiddles with the radio knob and reaches for a small pump bottle of Sweet Pea Linen Spray.

Colby Katz

Rub it in for that lifelike look!

More About

Like this Story?

Sign up for the Weekly Newsletter: Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.

On his way back home on the interstate, Gein gets another call. This time, it's to take a body from a hospital in North Broward to a crematorium in West Palm Beach. The crematorium, a two-story building on Dixie Highway, is silent and deserted as Gein punches in the code to open the overhead door. It takes him only a few seconds to wheel his responsibility across the gleaming white tiles to a huge cold-storage locker at the end of the building. As he quickly slides the sheet-covered, pot-bellied body from his gurney onto a cold metal shelf, Gein accidentally bumps against a small blue bundle on a ledge behind him. Turning around, he sees that the terrycloth bath towel covering a tiny, weeks-old infant has become partially unwrapped. A white, cookie-sized teddy bear wearing a red heart stitched with the word Mom suddenly tumbles from the towel to the shelf. There's a shocking, split-second glance of translucent blue skin and unnaturally scarlet-pink lips before the bear is replaced, the baby covered, the light flicked off, the door slammed shut and padlocked, and Gein is back inside the van.

"If anyone's gonna see a ghost," Gein says after several silent minutes, "it's gonna be me."