By Natalya Jones
By County Grind
By Liz Tracy
By Chris Joseph
By Liz Tracy
By Matt Preira
By Jesse Scheckner
By Michael E. Miller
Why she loves her crib: "There's no homeowner's association."
Mr. Entertainment Location:Hollywood.
Length of residence: Six years.
"If you need crack or a hooker, they're two blocks away." So says Tina Entertainment, wife of local troubadour Mr. Entertainment, in the living room of their quaint, 1930s Hollywood home.
Some of the random things in their house:A bust of Elvis in the bathroom, a flag with 49 stars, a stack of vintage Playboys, pinup books from the '50s to '80s, an antique telephone booth they got for free, a Malcolm X action figure, two rows of blue movie-theater seats in the living room, which they got from a New Times classified ad in the early '90s, and Kiss trading cards. In the backyard is an antique yellow roundabout, donated by Humbert's singer, Ferny, and "Betsy," Mr. E's blue, '61 Chevy El Camino.
Most useless thing in the house: A card shuffler.
Most prized possession: A poster of Abbie Hoffman wearing a cheerleading uniform, circa 1972. "It was a spoof of some airline's marketing campaign," Mr. E says. Hoffman is jumping in the air, his tighty whities peeking out from under his skirt. The poster reads "High! I'm Abbie -- fly me to Miami." "Ya know, Abbie was all about 'steal this... '" Mr. E says. "The guy who sold it to me said, 'You should be stealing this. '"
In the fridge: Mostly vegetarian cuisine, a jar of Branston (an English spread with pickles, carrots, and cauliflower), and a bottle of homemade Absinthe.
Description of the crib: "Home."
Todd Nolan of Trapped by Mormons. Location: Fort Lauderdale.
Length of residence:Six years.
Description of crib:"Eclectic kitsch crap, with a nice coating of dust. But I dusted for you guys."
Where's the party? Todd's house:"We have a Winter Wonderland party once a year, and usually over 200 people show up -- people we don't even know. We go all out -- lights, a snow machine on the roof, glitter, confetti. We also had a hillbilly hoedown once, with a petting zoo in the front yard. Oh, and the circus-themed party... we dressed up like clowns and had a bounce house in the backyard."
What do the neighbors think of all this loud horsin'off?"I don't really know my neighbors that well, but I guess they've wandered into our parties before. One time, someone stole a couple of bikes from the backyard, and our old neighbors who used to live behind us -- they were kinda rednecky and had guns and stuff -- so they sat in their house with the lights off with guns and waited for whoever stole it to come back around."
No stripper pole, but there are lots of hot, naked girls:The walls in Todd's kitchen are covered with paintings of ladies in various states of undress. "We call this our naked lady room," he says. "Naked ladies... and monkeys." There are originals by Glenn Barr, '60s artist Igor Pantuhoff, Amedeo Modigliani, and local artist Sas Christian.
What's up, Dean Martin? Todd fancies himself a master bartender, and his collection of booze confirms this. "I go all out when I make cocktails. I make this one called the Pink Pussy Pie martini, which is Godiva white chocolate, Chambord, some grenadine, and I cut a strawberry in half and float it on top. We had a party once and my friend's mom asked me to make her a drink, so I made her that. She loved it. She asked for seconds."
Most useless thing in the house:"Most stuff I buy is pretty useless."
Yeah, he said it:"Ya'll get out of my crib!"