Let's review what we already know about witches. First of all, like women in hotel-room porn, they sometimes travel in threesomes (see Macbeth and Charmed). Second, if you suspect someone of being a witch, weigh her. If she weighs the same as a duck, then she must be made of wood, and, therefore, a witch (see Monty Python's Holy Grail). Finally, don't mess with the White Witch or she'll turn your ass into stone (see The Chronicles of Narnia).
Fly on over to the Witches Ball
7:30 to 11:30 p.m on Saturday, October 30. A Celtic Samhain ("summer's end") Circle, with drumming and bonfire, begins at midnight. Tickets are $10 at the door. Kids (this means you, Hansel und Gretel) get in free with parents. Visit www.moonpathcuups.org, or call 954-484-6734.
Unitarian Universalist Church, 3970 NW 21st Ave., Fort Lauderdale
To ferret out the truth behind these or other witchy suppositions, come to the Seventh Annual South Florida Witches Ball, presented by the Moon Path Chapter of the Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS). Such pagan soirees involve reverence for ancestors and nature; they are celebrations in which you "contemplate the great cycle of death, rebirth, and living," CUUPS coordinator Sophia Letourneau says.
The folks of the CUUPS, adhering to the tenet "no pagan left behind," are nothing if not equal-opportunity about celebrating any culture that ever designed a calendar around pantheistic sun and moon worship -- from the ancient Egyptians and Greeks to the Celts and Romans. However, there's something a tad Rainman about all this lunar tracking and obsessive calendar counting. It takes concentration to juggle the ten-month Roman calendar (and its 304-day year) with the Hellenic lunar calendar, whose new year begins in September (unless you're in Athens, in which case it begins in July). For kicks, throw in the Celtic calendar (with only two seasons), the Egyptian three-season civil calendar, and the Egyptian lunar spiritual calendar (we're currently in the third month of this one, incidentally, which is sacred to Hathor, the cow goddess of joy). It may not be for everybody. -- Dave Amber