If you think Jon Stewart is one sexy mother, wait till you meet Carl Kasell! So what if he's, like, 100 years old? If hotties were measured in brains, not brawn, Kasell would be off the hook! The dude is like the Brad Pitt of radio. Both tonight and tomorrow at 8 p.m., Kasell and his cohort, Peter Sagal, tape Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me, their weekly National Public Radio game show, at the Parker Playhouse (707 NE Eighth St., Fort Lauderdale). Wait, Wait...tests both professional panelists (like comic Paula Poundstone, who will be at the taping) and regular call-in contestants on their knowledge of current events. Charlie Pierce, a sportswriter and regular on the show (he'll be in town too!), says that, to ace the game, "You need a working knowledge of Broadway showtunes; at least a rudimentary familiarity with the Bible, the Simpsons, various types of cheese, basic dolphin gang warfare techniques, and baseball; and a lifetime devotion to The Hollywood Squares." Tickets to the tapings cost $29 to $39. If you win? Kasell leaves an outgoing message on your answering machine. Priceless. Call 1-800-233-3123, or visit www.wlrn.org.
Sometimes you gotta wonder whether it's better for once-famous celebrities to shred any illusions of integrity and milk the hell out of their heydays -- even if they ended decades ago. Why not? It's certainly more palatable than someone like Robert Van Winkle wanting us to forget that he once called himself Vanilla Ice. Jimmie Walker knows better. The actor/comedian is well aware that he'll always be known as J.J. Evans (Kid Dy-no-mite!) of the '70s sitcom Good Times. Let's just hope his current standup act is funnier than the incoherent ramblings on his website (Bill Cosby's having children out of wedlock precludes him from talking about the n word? Hell-o! Earth to J.J.!). Well, if Paul Rubens can come to terms with being known as Pee Wee Herman, Walker's got nothing to worry about. The dy-no-mite one performs Friday and Saturday at the New York Comedy Club (8221 Glades Rd., Boca Raton). Tickets cost $15 to $20. Call 561-470-6887.
Guys are invited to the Cuetec Cue Florida Classic, but they'll have to sit in the corner and settle for a night of two-ball rack up while the ladies have their way with the pool tables. Billiard babes Jeanette "Black Widow" Lee, Karen "Irish Invader" Corr, and Allison "Duchess of Doom" Fisher are battling for the top three spots on the Women's Professional Billiards Association tour. Eighth-ranked Vivian Villarreal, who's sponsored by the Seminole Indian Tribe of Florida, should feel at home during the showdown at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (1 Seminole Way, Hollywood). The tournament, which had to be rescheduled from its original date thanks to one hurricane or another, starts on Thursday and lasts through Sunday. Tickets cost $10 to $30. Call 954-523-3309, or visit www.seminolehardrockhollywood.com/entertainment.
She may very well be the weirdest character to ever grace a South Florida stage. Chu Chu is a Jamaican gossip who spits patois slang, busts out dancehall moves, and for some unexplained reason looks like a drag queen. She's the central figure in Everton Dawkins' comedy Passa Passa, which in patois means mix-up mix-up , which means, basically, getting all up in someone else's business. The play is set in a tenement yard in Kingston, where Chu Chu keeps tabs on each member of a sexually hyperactive family. The three-hour production comes to the Omni Auditorium at Broward Community College (1000 Coconut Creek Blvd., Coconut Creek) at 7 tonight, compliments of the Sunshine Theater Company. It's fleshed out by actors from Jamaica. Tickets cost $27 in advance, $32 at the door. Call 954-437-9062.
All right, so maybe you're not much of a sports fan, and maybe you'd prefer that your doctor had more in his waiting room than just Sports Illustrated magazines. But as it is, you'll have to settle for skimming the pages and looking at pictures of athletes you've never heard of. But then you realize that, damn, just looking at the photos is good enough. And not just the obvious money shots of firm buttocks. There's real human drama here. Stories are told. Personalities are captured. Hope. Determination. Defeat. Anger. It's all in the photos, and now those photos are at the Palm Beach Photographic Centre (55 NE Second Ave., Delray Beach) in the exhibit "Hotshots: Highlights from Sports Illustrated." Whether it's the Florida Marlins' 2003 World Series victory or Serena Williams at the 2002 French Open, the athlete's tale is told in no better terms than in these images. And some of 'em are pretty babealicious too. "Hotshots" runs through December 31. Call 561-276-9797.
Trying to define rock 'n' roll is about as daunting a task as trying to figure out what the hell art is. The only way to approach such a chore is to get to the heart of the matter -- the roots, as it were. And your tour guides for such a journey would have to be Deke Dickerson and the Ecco-Fonics, whose broad and steady command of the genre makes Brian Setzer look like a rank amateur. Dickerson, formerly of Untamed Youth and the Go-Nuts, pulls out all the retro stops, from the somber, Johnny Cash-like "Feelin' Low" to the upbeat, Jerry Lee-styled "Nightmare of a Woman" and the surf rock of "Rockin' Gypsy" (as well as dirty little ditties like "Poontang"). Dickerson performs tonight at the Poor House (110 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale). Show starts at 9 p.m. and costs $15. Call 954-522-5145.
Nothing bolsters one's career like publicly insulting a well-established celebrity. Comedian Don Rickles learned that much in 1957, when he poked fun at Frank Sinatra's penchant for pugilism -- while Ol' Blue Eyes was in the audience (OK, so maybe that doesn't work for hand puppets picking on Eminem). But it wasn't until his 1965 Tonight Show appearance that Rickles proved that middle America would dig his unusually acerbic style. Of course, insults are the industry standard nowadays, and celebrity roasts are highly prestigious events for the comedy elite. And it all started with a bald-headed guy who couldn't take being heckled. The "Merchant of Venom" performs tonight and Thursday at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (1 Sem-inole Way, Hollywood). Show starts at 8 p.m., and tickets cost $50. Call 954-523-3309.