Well, boys and boys, Santa has delivered all but one package, and he is definitely not heading home. Tonight, he's gonna make like a sugar plum fairy and dance at Coliseum nightclub's Fifth Annual Christmas Pageant (2520 S. Miami Rd., Fort Lauderdale).
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And he's not exactly the way your hard-up, closeted, 19th-century Victorian-era society depicted him. In truth, he's tan, toned, and gym-buffed to entice/In fact... are those tats on his pecs? They spell outNaughty andNice/But not just that, Ginny. Santa's beard is trimmed down to a soul patch of white/And his back hair is magically waxed out of sight/His Calvins are hung under tight abs with flair/as he bitches commands to eight fabulous reindeer/"Now, Abba! Now, Barbra! And Liza and Judy!/On, Cher! On, Madonna! On Bette and Rosie!"
Coming out of the closet and celebrating Christmas actually have more in common than you might think. Both are first mediated through television. It's through TV that you first learn about that place over the rainbow where Dorothy can go to meet her friends. It's often through TV that you negotiate expectations for Christmas joy derivative of Bedford Falls in It's a Wonderful Life. If you want, feel free to deconstruct Rudolph's "Island of Misfit Toys" into a pre-Stonewall Greenwich Village or Castro District.
But when you get right down to the warm and fuzzy, coming out and enjoying Christmas are both about discovering family, whether it's your traditional family or the one you adopt in life. So celebrate family at Coliseum with the music of DJ Angelo Kortez, who also delivers beats to good little children in Miami Beach and Washington, D.C. The Xmas pageant's cast includes T. P. Lords, Daisy Deadpetals, and former Miss Gay USA Erika Norell. But it's the Hunky Santa's Elf Strippers who will make you realize you aren't in Bedford Falls anymore.