This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

THU 20The category of IDM -- or intelligent dance music -- encompasses a wide range of artists, from old-school electro freak Aphex Twin (listen to the album drukQs) to the scary Otto von Schirach (who gave the world such gems as Global Speaker Fisting and Hermaphrodite Tampon Eaters) to the more accessible Mouse on Mars (note their recent collaboration with New York rapper Tears the Muffin Man). It's safe to say, however, that it doesn't include Christina Aguilera or Madonna. During Splatter nights at Sonar (2006 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood) every Thursday, you can get schooled in the genre. For a gold star from the teacher, brush up on post-punk and dark electro too, plus any other loud vibrations that resemble asymmetrical walrus burps. This event is brought to you by the guys at 100% Artcore. Call 954-920-8777. (DF)

FRI 21 Tammy Pescatelli has had successes both large and small. She worked as the spokeswoman for the Hy-Vee grocery chain. She starred in the movie Beauty Queen Butcher (what, you didn't see it?). And recently, she was a finalist on NBC's Last Comic Standing. She holds a degree in fashion design from Kent State University -- so, when she landed a role as one of the "fashion police" for US Weekly, her parents felt like they "didn't waste that money on my education." Now that the Sicilian girl from Cleveland has, as she puts it, "worked my way to the middle" of the comedy world, she brings her act -- free of male-bashing and typical "chick humor" -- to the Fort Lauderdale Improv at Paradise Live (5700 Seminole Way, Hollywood) from Thursday through Sunday. Call 954-981-5653, or visit www.ftlimprov.com. (DF)

SAT 22So Axl Rose finally sets an April deadline for Guns N' Roses' long-awaited Chinese Democracyalbum. Problem is, Velvet Revolver's already upstaged him, Botox ain't getting any safer, and Axl's guitar player has a KFC bucket on his head. At this point, GN'R fans would be better-served by a cover band, like Ohio's Paradise City, tonight's headliners at the Factory (2674 E. Oakland Park Blvd., Fort Lauderdale). What are you laughing at? It's not like Axl's new band is any more authentic (again, Buckethead as Slash). The guys in Paradise City, on the other hand, do their best to re-create GN'R's glory years. Granted, the band's not always on key, but that's entertaining in its own way. Take yourself down to Paradise City after an opening set by Soulicide at 8 p.m. Call 954-564-7625, or visit www.gnrrocks.com. (JB)

SUN 23 Newt Gingrich was the first speaker of the House of Representatives to be reprimanded by his own chamber. He was ethically dubious (he violated tax laws), morally challenged (he lied to the Ethics Committee), and a damned hypocrite to boot (Is that lipstick on your collar, N.?). He claims to have the answers to America's problems in his new book, Winning the Future: A 21st Century Contract with America, but how can anyone take him seriously? Let's hope his book tour -- which brings him to Borders Books and Music (2240 E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale) today -- isn't the first step toward a presidential run in '08. Though, if Gingrich had a brain inside that fat head of his, he'd be over in East Asia right now posing for pictures with tsunami victims. Maybe you should ask why he isn't. The wind starts blowing at 1 p.m. Call 954-566-6335. (JB)

MON 24Put down your bags. You ain't goin' nowhere. Don't relocate to Washington, D.C., to join one of its 178 -- no, that's not a misprint -- kickball teams. 'Cause the World Adult Kickball Association -- yes, it's an official entity -- has launched South Florida divisions. Today is the perfect day to register. Oh, sure -- you might go on the website and see that officials said Friday was the last day to register. But officials are always saying stuff like, "You're not supposed to have beers on the field" and "Stop pantsing the umpire!" Do we listen? Trust us -- tell 'em New Timessent you and we guarantee they'll still accept your $64 registration fee -- which includes a T-shirt, insurance, and use of fields and equipment. The Florida Beach division plays games on Thursday evenings beginning February 17 at Mills Pond Park (2201 NW Ninth Ave., Fort Lauderdale). The West Palm Beach division is still sorting out the details. Visit www.worldkickball.com. (DF)

TUE 25The Chinese have always amazed us beer-bellied, TV-watchin' Westerners, what with their enormous levels of discipline. And it's not just their martial arts skills -- ever seen the Chinese Golden Dragon Acrobats? The traveling performance group mixes athleticism and acting, dance and daredevilry, and looks good while doing so. Their stunning, color-coordinated costumes are impressive enough to gaze at, never mind the fact that the acrobats balance themselves (on one hand) from the top of 20-foot ladders; hold up one another by the waist in zigzag-shaped formations; balance stacks of glasses on their hands, feet, and faces; and pile atop a single bicycle like an inverted pyramid. That's quite a step up from the beer-can pyramid you built on New Year's. The acrobats perform tonight at Bailey Concert Hall at Broward Community College's Central Campus (3501 SW Davie Rd., Davie). Show starts at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $20 to $30. Call 954-523-3309, or visit www.ticketmaster.com. (JB)

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