Pixelating Experience

Watching TV at Gulfstream

Waterbeds, whirlpools, showers, and saunas all add half a point.

Subtract three points for a male manager.

No "happy ending" is a whopping 16-point penalty.

Mike Gorman
Pynk Pages
Pynk Pages

In western Palm Beach County, where most of the houses of joy operate, Teetor has capably separated the proverbial wheat from the chaff.

Recommended:

Parlor A, West Palm Beach, a "legendary divorce-party spot" where "the girls are available for take-out."

Parlor B, West Palm Beach, employs "girls [who] are very pretty and they will run out the full harem before they let you escape." Plus, "the $40 plus a tip of $80 is a real deal."

Parlor C, West Palm Beach, is noted for a neon "open" sign next to a bail bonds office. "Having the bondsman right there might be handy," Teetor notes.

Best to avoid:

Parlor X, West Palm Beach, described as "a sticky floor spa, with plain girls, small rooms, small cheesy beds and an all-around air of desperate sleaze." At least the rooms come with doors that lock, so "you won't have a bouncer wandering in to comment on your technique while he admires your naked butt with the glow from his flashlight."

Parlor Y, Pompano Beach, where "the atmosphere was as erotic as a cold bedpan."

Parlor Z, Boca Raton, next door to the railroad tracks: "When a train goes by, you can get rattled right off the table onto the concrete floor. The $100 fee seems excessive for a rub & tug with only one old crow and a massage table."

Parlor ZZ, West Palm Beach, is the place where $150 will get you a girl, a room, and an article of lingerie. "What you do not get is any satisfaction unless you do it yourself, and if you complain about the cost versus the service, a very large and unpleasant man will toss you out on your ass."

-- As told to Edmund Newton

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