Pipe It to Me

Hold on a Bahamian Minute

Bleach Bums

Already known to the world as a plastic-surgery mecca fixated on looking good, South Florida is turning its self-critical gaze... southward, in a manner of speaking. Anal bleaching has arrived. It's the ultimate body touchup. There's exfoliated skin, hairless bikini lines, and now -- the unnaturally light sphincter. They're doing it at Sanda Gane Esthetique Salon in West Palm Beach, acknowledges electrolysis expert Michelle Milshtein (though she wouldn't say what the process is). Demand is on the upswing. Melany Whitney, an authority in permanent makeup who works in Boca Raton, hadn't heard of the practice but was only slightly surprised by it. "Oh, jeez!" was her response, guessing that SoFla strippers will be at the vanguard of the new, controversial beauty therapy.

Don't do it, advises the Australian Medical Association, warning that the consequences could be "anal burning and scarring... or an inability to pass stools at all." The New York Observer recently advised: "Wax and pluck if you must, but don't tinker with your sphincter." Anal sex guru Tristan Taormino, on her website, tells a certain "Brown-Eyed Susan" that she can't truly get behind sphincter lightening. "I would like you to consider why you 'hate' your ass so much," Taormino advises.

Scripps, Adios
Scripps, Adios
Bleach Bums
Christopher Smith
Bleach Bums

Now that the Internet is buzzing with rumors about celebs like Lara Flynn Boyle bending over for a bleachin', though, it's only a matter of time before a Bung Boutique opens in a strip mall near you.

-- As told to Edmund Newton

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