THU 5

It was a night just like this one, albeit many moons ago. An aspiring young comic named Arnez J took the stage and turned it inside out with a routine more animated than Daffy Duck. Among the crowd sat a few industry bigwigs, real heavy hitters -- or should we say dribblers? -- who eagerly signed him up. That's right, Arnez was recruited not by a Hollywood agent but by the Harlem Globetrotters. But Arnez's b-ball career was not to be; a knee injury put the comic back on stage, which is just as well -- now Arnez has ample room to pursue his quirky shenanigans. Not surprisingly, this has led many to refer to Arnez as "the black Jerry Lewis." Perhaps he should have played The Nutty Professor? Arnez J yuks it up tonight through Sunday at the Palm Beach Improv (550 S. Rosemary Ave., Ste. 250, West Palm Beach). Tickets cost $21.30 to $23.43. Call 561-833-1812. (JB)

FRI 6According to legend, "While walking around the 'Things You Don't Stick into Electrical Outlets' exhibit at the Miami Museum of Science," a guy known simply as the Seer "suddenly tripped and stuck... something into an electrical outlet! This cost him his sight but gained him a second sight: the power of the psychic realm." Actually, the Seer is just one in a cast of characters developed by Just the Funny, Miami's favorite improv comedy troupe. Tonight, the troupe laughs away yesterday's tequila hangover with a Seis de Mayo show. So don't be surprised if they bust out their Latino characters, like Mariachi Con Cojones ("a famous wrestling superstar from the country of Mexico -- he's looking for a sexy American tag team partner so he can cross over into the U.S. and become an American citizen") or Carlos Valdez Jr. ("a Hialeah kind of guy who lives with his parents and cruises la Calle Ocho for jevitas in his Mustang 5.0"). You are instructed to bring "strange objects"; the actors will incorporate them into the show. Chips and salsa are on the house, and tickets are half-price ($5; normally $10). The venue: the Museum of Science and Planetarium (3280 S. Miami Ave., Miami). Call 305-MY-FUNNY, or visit www.justthefunny.com. (DF)

SAT 7It's often referred to as "the greatest two minutes in sports," but Hunter S. Thompson saw right through the fancy hats and garlands of roses when he described the Kentucky Derby as a "drunken mob scene" and "a huge outdoor loony bin." Each year, on the first Saturday in May, 150,000 people travel to Louisville, ostensibly to watch 20 horses run around a 1 1/4-mile loop, but really, to party. Can't make it to Churchill Downs? Mosey over to Calder Race Course (21001 NW 27th Ave., Miami), watch and wager on the simulcast and live racing, and suck down some mint juleps, derby pie, and burgoo (a tasty stew that often includes mutton or veal). The home team is rooting for High Fly, a thoroughbred who's running for the roses in Kentucky but who got his start at Calder. Call 954-523-4324, or visit www.calderracecourse.com. (DF)

SUN 8Speaking of the fact that it's Mother's Day... You know who had a real hot mom? King Tut. Actually, we're talking about his stepmom -- Queen Nefertiti, whose name means "the beautiful (or perfect) woman has come." Circa 1352 B.C., Nefertiti and her hubby, the Pharaoh Akhenaten, were the first to introduce the concept of only one god. They abandoned the ancient Egyptian capital of Thebes, oversaw the creation of magnificent art, and also made a lot of enemies (the priests who were tossed from power during the spiritual revolution). In the musical Nefertiti, the queen is torn between the two men who love her while basically running the country. The original script and lyrics were written by a Fort Lauderdale native, the late Christopher Gore. Catch today's performances at 2 or 7:30 p.m. at the Parker Playhouse (707 NE Eighth St., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $47, and the show runs through May 15. Call 954-763-2444. (DF)

MON 9Oh yeah, we know how to play this game. Each player sets a large cup of beer on her side of the Ping-Pong table and tries to hit her opponent's beer with a tiny plastic white ball. Each time your cup is hit, you have to take a sip of your drink. Each time the ball lands in your cup, you have to chug the whole beer. What's that you say? We're confusing table tennis with beer pong? Silly us. Well, it may not be the frat house you're used to, but Mary Saunders Park (4750 SW 21st St., Hollywood) is a good place to practice your backhand, as it offers free table tennis for adults from 7 to 8:30 p.m. each Monday. No one will be drunk, turning naked cartwheels, or snorting white powder off the table, but at least you won't have to swallow the dustballs, grease, and dog saliva that's collected on the ball. Call 954-985-1990. (DF)

TUE 10May is National Mental Health Month -- a time to examine one's psychological stability and find ways to deal with the usual problems (anxiety, depression, voices that tell you to kill). Despite the flood of drug commercials promising cerebral salvation in a pill, there's another way to channel your inner turmoil -- art. That's why the Mental Health Association of Broward County created the 9Muses Art Center. But the MHA isn't alone in supporting this project. ArtsUnited chose the "9Muses Artists" to profile this month, presenting exhibits at the Stonewall Library and Archives (1717 N. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale) and Stork's Bakery Café (2505 NE 15th Ave., Wilton Manors). The artwork consists largely of expressionist paintings like boldly colored acrylics of Mara Hyman, the Renaissance-influenced compositions of Lois Feiler, and the flowery pastels of Violet King. The exhibits run through May 28. Call 954-530-2723. (JB)

WED 11Schindler's List and The Pianist were rightly lauded for their portrayals of a sensitive subject -- the Jewish plight in Nazi Germany. However, when a work of art examines the plight of the Germans it runs the risk of looking sympathetic to the bad guys (a popular reaction to the TV film Hitler: The Rise of Evil). In the play The Good German, David Wiltse looks at life on the other side of the war. The story follows a German couple who take their chances and shelter a Jewish publisher. The husband reluctantly agrees, knowing that his buddy in the Nazi Party wouldn't be so understanding. It's a tale of humanity at its worst, where hatred and patriotism intermingle -- a story, sadly, that's still relevant some 60 years later. The Good German runs through June 18 at Florida Stage (262 S. Ocean Blvd., Manalapan). Tonight's performance starts at 8. Tickets cost $41. Call 561-585-3433, or visit www.floridastage.org. (JB)

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