Master Plan

Who's afraid of the big, bad b-boys?

THU 5/19 At a real b-boy jam, "you're not going to be dancing and pour Skittles on somebody," says DJ Trails of Hip Hop Elements, referring to a recent TV commercial and to the fact that big companies are always trying to capitalize on any underground scene with a perceived hip factor. "Somebody could get hurt!" Trails continues. "It's not funny!"

"I'm Speedy Legs, the 37-year-old b-boy. You got a problem with that'?"
"I'm Speedy Legs, the 37-year-old b-boy. You got a problem with that'?"
Boot Scoot Boogie to the Round-Up.
Mike Gorman
Boot Scoot Boogie to the Round-Up.
You know you want me. Just open the wallet, baby.
You know you want me. Just open the wallet, baby.
Good times in the garden
Mike Gorman
Good times in the garden

Those companies can stick their fruit rainbow where the sun don't shine, because no kid worth his weight in Kangol caps is going to be bamboozled. Most of the kids in the breaking scene are cool 15- to 25-year-olds, Trails says. And although "people might think they're a bunch of thugs... most of these guys are phenomenal athletes. They should be treated like stars, not backup dancers."

This weekend, the best b-boys in the whole world -- about 1,000 of them, from as far away as Japan and Argentina -- convene for the B-Boy Masters Championships at the North Shore Community Center (501 72nd St.) and other locations in Miami Beach. "There's one thing you have to do [to impress the judges]," Trails says. "You have to dance. To the music. It's not aerobics. It's not gymnastics. What's the difference between you and the circus, or between you and a bunch of monkeys?" Show us.

Apparently, some kids, intent on fanning the crowd with their windmills and headspins, forget that there's actually a beat to follow. And that's the tricky part. "I'll play rock; I'll play jazz," Trails says. "I'll scratch in some drums, backspin, and mix it up -- and they gotta dance to whatever it is." Whoever's got "originality, grace, style, and finesse" will win. "Like Olympic ice skating. They make it look effortless."

This year, the B-Boy Masters is being combined with the World Wu Shu and Kung Fu Championships because, Trails says, "The moves are similar. You need the same discipline to train your body and mind." Scope out the moves Thursday through Sunday -- and, as Trails says, "Don't be afraid. People are bringing babies. We get senior citizens. These are real dancers, not bums on the street dancing on cardboard." The city's cops are big b-boy supporters too. For a detailed schedule, visit www.hiphopelements.com, or call 954-977-7886. -- Deirdra Funcheon

Round Up Some Tall Boys

Honk if you honky-tonk!

WED 5/25 Honey, do you ever feel like a lone pickup truck in a world of SUVs? Are you tired of hipsters with "trendy" asymmetrical haircuts stealing the thunder from your tastefully teased tendrils? Are you thirsty? Well, praise Jesus, the president, and domestic beer for Ladies' Night at Club Round-up in Davie (9020 W. State Rd. 84). Wrangle up your Wranglers and buff up your boots -- this time-tapping Wednesday happening offers free line-dancing lessons. By the corral's close, you could know the difference between the Tennessee Bootslapper and the Rascal Shuffle. Have you grown tired of waiting around for a Southern gentleman to buy you a longneck? Well, little lady, all that denim will breathe easier with free drinks from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. Those liquids should get you ready to hoot and holler for the Men's Best Chest Contest at midnight! Who has the sexiest mangora rib sweater? Whose appendix scar makes your spurs spin? Whose third nipple makes your heart play the love fiddle? All of these important decisions will be left up to the distinguished stampede of female attendees. That's right girls, their chests' futures are in your hands. Call 954-423-1993. -- Jamie Laughlin $ Plunk for a Hunk $

Biddin' on babes for a good cause

SAT 5/21 If you think about it, the average blind date costs more than 50 bucks without you even knowing where it's going. Chances are, you'll dip out quicker than your matchmaking friend with the bad eye can wail, "But he's got a great personality!" You need a sure thing, don't you? You want a guaranteed Thor-like date with ass cheeks you can bounce a quarter off of and a great personality. This can be yours with the Hunks of Hollywood Bachelor Auction at the Hollywood Beach Bandshell (A1A and Johnson Street) this Saturday, May 21. From 7 to 10 p.m., women can bid on more than 20 firemen, policemen, lifeguards, and 101.5 LITE FM's Michael the Hunk. Check out the merchandise for free, but if you want to squeeze the Charmin, start a bid at $25. There'll be music, a silent auction, and a VIP tent for the winners to schmooze with their newly purchased dates. And it's for a great cause -- the Greater Hollywood Jaycees will use the money raised to buy "back to school" backpacks filled with supplies for kids. Call 305-715-2137. -- Terra Sullivan

It's Not Bonnaroo, but...

SAT 5/21 Your idea of a festival probably consists of piling into the VW bus, listening to 50 bands play, and stumbling around looking for a bootleg copy of Phish's '00 show at Roseland. Let us tell you, though, that tilling soil, lamenting globalization, and getting to know your neighbors can be just as fun -- really! What is now the Chief Sitting Bull Community Garden used to be just a neglected lot behind a Kwik Stop. Since local activists started planting banana trees and sweet potatoes there five years ago, however, it's become a neighborhood resource and an example of what can happen when the forces of good kick into gear. Drop by Sixth Avenue South and F Street in Lake Worth for a day of "food, games, movies... and work!" The festival is free and lasts from 4 to 9 p.m. Call 561-547-6686. -- Deirdra Funcheon

 
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