Tailpipe

Abortion Follies

Platt's company, Suspended Animation, will open a laboratory in Boynton Beach, where researchers will do tests on frozen tissue. The company originally planned to set up a lab in Boca Raton, complete with caged rats and euthanized dogs from animal shelters, but the Boca City Council put the freeze on those plans amid protests from animal rights activists. Boca denied Suspended Animation's building permit.

The new lab in Boynton Beach will be a much more modest facility. No animals. No dead humans.

Boynton Beach city officials tend to flinch when you ask them about it, like somebody who has been ducking shrapnel. "Oh boy," says Commissioner Mike Ferguson, heaving a heavy sigh.

This vehicle property of Fort Lauderdale's own Ticketmaster, Tony Allen Gonzalez. While your interest is appreciated, your ticket is no good here, and your glorified golf cart awaits. Please try someone who cares. Thanks!
This vehicle property of Fort Lauderdale's own Ticketmaster, Tony Allen Gonzalez. While your interest is appreciated, your ticket is no good here, and your glorified golf cart awaits. Please try someone who cares. Thanks!
istockphoto.com

Yes, there will be a lab on High Ridge Road, he acknowledges through clenched teeth. "They're not going to be shrinking any heads or freezing whole bodies," he says. Just small bits of frozen flesh, "for research."

Platt, whose articles include an exploration of how we might overcome the seeming impossibilities of teleportation and a piece about the virtues of a little machine that enhanced web browsing by emitting smells that matched the pictures on your screen, decided he didn't want to talk about this with Tailpipe. Nuts. This disappointed cylinder had just wanted to offer encouragement.

Someday, we're all going to have to have our heads shrunk. Sooner better than later, the 'Pipe says.

Anderson's Greatest Hits

Tailpipe loves Hollywood Vice Mayor Cathleen Anderson. Unlike with most politicians, the 'Pipe can tell that Anderson is honest. But is she, well, sane?

A blond with thick, large, darkly tinted eyeglasses that resemble something out of the X-Men comic book, the 70-year-old Anderson has represented the beach area on the Hollywood City Commission for more than three decades. Unlike the I-lost-my-personality-on-Taft-Street Commissioner Keith Wasserstrom, Anderson is known for speaking her mind -- albeit often in rambling diatribes that sometimes even make sense.

Since Anderson will surely be missed during the Hollywood City Commission's current summer break, Tailpipe has put together some of Anderson's greatest hits from dais, courtesy of the last commission meeting:

On a voting disagreement with Commissioner Wasserstrom over Hollywood's new nightclub restrictions: "I don't have a degree in law, Commissioner Wasserstrom. I do know how to win friends and influence people a little better than you do." For emphasis, she stood up, walked over to Wasserstrom, and repeatedly pointed her finger at him.

On Fort Lauderdale City Commissioner Cindi Hutchinson: "I don't know her very well. I only met her once. But she's married to the son of a retired Hollywood policeman, and he thinks she's great!"

On whether Pinnacle Housing Group is the same company that brokered a questionable land deal in Pembroke Park: "I understand they are not the same people... I was told these are not the same people." But, alas, they were the same people.

On being positively ancient: "I have more junk from the Sun-Sentinel and Miami Herald than anyone in Broward County. Sometimes [newspaper reporters] call me if [an article] was before their archives and computers."

On her undying love for Mayor Mara Giulianti: "Ms. Trailblazer here becomes mayor, and she decides to save the Great Southern [Hotel]."

On life's being like a box of chocolates: "I've learned that if you can't get everything you want, you have to decide what you want."

And if you try sometimes, Cathleen, you get what you need: a translator to decipher your brainwaves for your loving constituents.

-- As told to Edmund Newton

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