This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

 THU 4

Better to see a shark get fed in a pool by a professional than to see it get fed in the ocean, by your arm or leg. Aw, we don't mean to scare you. Quite the opposite. When you go to the Sandoway House Nature Center (142 S. Ocean Blvd., Delray Beach), you might develop respect for the toothy critters and find they're getting a bad rap in the news. The center has two 5-year-old nurse sharks, which are generally harmless unless provoked. They live in a pool out back that's been converted into an artificial coral reef; they share their home with pinfish, porkfish, and sergeant majors. During a shark feeding every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday at 10:30 a.m., you can watch them eat their meals of Spanish sardines and squid. Also check out the facility's 10,000-strong shell collection, meet its two tortoises, wander through the butterfly garden, and look at sand and shells under a microscope. Admission costs $2. Call 561-274-7263, or visit www.sandowayhouse.com. (DF)

FRI 5

Dream Theatre gives prog rock a metal makeover.
Dream Theatre gives prog rock a metal makeover.

This little thing called the Internext Conference sounds innocent enough... until you do some investigative reporting and find out that it is a convention for the Internet porn industry. A pass to the conference itself costs $300, but sure enough, there are a ton of parties surrounding the meetup. Tonight, it's the First Annual Adult Film Star Pajama Party at Club Deep (621 Washington Ave., Miami Beach). Get in free if you wear pajamas or lingerie; otherwise, it's $50. Adult film stars who have RSVP'd include Adam Barish and his Crazy Club Chicks, Tony Teresi, Frenchie, Candi Apple, and Brittany Andrews (who will be celebrating her birthday). Other parties include Thursday's "Party Like a Pornstar" at Solid Gold (for conference participants only), tonight's "Passion Reaction" party -- with gay webmasters -- at the clothing-optional pool at the Roof Top Inn (1225 N. Ocean Dr., Hollywood), and Saturday's Pink TV Party, which promises "a playground of liquor-fueled sexual debauchery." The weekend also features bikini contests and a "porn poker tour." Visit www.internextconference.com. (DF)

SAT 6

Of all the train-wreck-like celebrity spectacles on TV nowadays, none captures the "sucks to be you" vibe quite like VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. It's understandable that the more washed-up celebs on the show just want some money, image be damned. But when heavyset comic Ralphie May joined for the first season, the guy was genuinely looking to drop the pounds. This is a comedian, after all, who avoids Louie Anderson-styled fat jokes. Besides, May has found his own workout routine by not pulling punches in his standup act -- and the gloves are always off. May's crass yet keen observations about life in Los Angeles (hookers, pimps) and knack for white-boy ebonics prove he cares about only two things -- honesty and hilarity -- and he doesn't need to make a mockery of himself to bring the laughs. May performs Thursday through Sunday at the Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theatre (5700 Seminole Way, Hollywood). Tickets cost $18.02 to $21.02. Call 954-981-5653. (JB)

SUN 7

Want to know a good way to get your band's tour in the headlines? Sue someone -- preferably a former band member. That's probably not what motivated Megadeth's Dave Mustaine to take ex-bass player Dave Ellefson to court two weeks ago (Ellefson allegedly used the m word when he wasn't supposed to), but it was good timing nonetheless, happening just as the Gigantour gets under way. Organized by Mustaine, Gigantour is headlined by Megadeth and neo-prog rockers Dream Theatre. Unlike Ozzfest, which is largely a headbanging contest, Gigantour is about musicianship -- ten-minute, ten-fingered guitar solos; pounding, ten-minute, ten-roto-tom drum solos; and ten tons of heavy riffage. Gigantour rolls into Sound Advice Amphitheatre (601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach) today at 5 p.m. Opening are Fear Factory, Dillinger Escape Plan, Nevermore, Life of Agony, Symphony X, Dry Kill Logic, and Bobaflex. Tickets cost $20 to $45. Visit www.ticketmaster.com. (JB)

MON 8

Paintings of tulips and daffodils are fine for the $3.99 rack at Target. But that's not the type of stuff you want to see in an art gallery. Hell, no. You want to be moved, intellectually or emotionally, even if it's a downer. So let local artist Elizabeth Jurado guide you through a world of abuse, neglect, and alienation. Her somber paintings convey a sense of hopeful innocence, accentuated by bold, longing figures. As Jurado writes in her artist's statement, "It has taken me a lifetime to arrive at this point where I can say through my paintings: This is what I felt... this is how I healed these wounds." Pain isn't something you learn in art school. High school, well, that's another matter. Jurado's works are currently on view at the Stonewall Library and Archives (1717 N. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale). The exhibit runs through August 31. Call 954-530-2723. (JB)

TUE 9

Brent Fitz must feel blessed to have a full-time gig with Theory of a Deadman. As drummer for Mtley Cre singer Vince Neil's solo project, Fitz probably knows he couldn't rely on that band having much of a future (and it's not because the Cre 's reunion tour was particularly promising). So he filled the ever-rotating position offered by the Canadian post-grunge rockers. Grunge, you ask? Yep. If Seattle were a province in Canada, Theory of a Deadman would be its Alice in Chains. But as it stands, Seattle's not in Canada; the neo-grunge band Nickelback is. That should give you an idea as to what Theory of a Deadman (TOAD?) sounds like. If you're still not sure, tune into 93 Rock and you're bound to hear it -- or one of the millions of others that sound exactly the same. The grungy Canucks join Submersed and Hinder tonight at Revolution (200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale). Show starts at 7:30 p.m. Tickets cost $10 to $12. Call 954-727-0950, or visit www.jointherevolution.net. (JB)

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