Crossdress Flashback

Glam, bam, thank you, ma'am! The New York Dolls are back -- at least the ones that aren't dead.

When I put on makeup, it's...

I'm a dude, dude. Makeup's for chicks. (0 points)

Eyeliner, eyeliner, eyeliner! (2 points)

Christopher Smith

So much foundation, if I had friends, they'd call me "Pancake." (3 points)

When I open my closet, I see...

Both styles of clothes: Abercrombie and Fitch. (0)

Ratty band T-shirts and a black trench coat. (1 point)

Black, black, black — my wardrobe is the same color as my empty soul. (3 points)

My CD collection consists of...

Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney. And have you heard the new Brooks & Dunn? (-1 point)

Heavy metal, death metal, angst-metal, and metal-metal. (0 points)

Brooding, tuneless music that makes my dreary heart sing. (2 points)

My favorite hot spot is...

Lurking in a cemetery, crying because my parents didn't name me Lestat. (1 point)

At the club, conniptioning to industrial noise. (2 points)

As far away from humans as I can get. (3 points)

I spend my weekend afternoons... (choose all that apply)

Shopping at Old Navy. (-3 points)

Watching snuff anime. (1 point)

Recovering from Friday night's art show — damn you, absinthe! (2 points)

The last time I read a book by Anne Rice or a graphic novel by Neil Gaiman was...

I saw the movies, including that shitty one with the dead singer. (1 point)

A few moons ago. (2 points)

This quiz is interrupting one, in fact. (3 points)

My most common expression is...

(Sigh) "It's all so profoundly pointless." (2 points)

"Leave me the fuck alone, Muggle." (3 points)

"Jesus loves you!" (-1 point)

Total Score:

(-5 to 0 points): You're about as goth as Bill O'Reilly. Which is to say, only a little.

(1 to 8 points): Welcome to Moderate America. Here's your Maroon 5 CD.

(9 to 10 points): You're what's called a Poseur Goth. Put down the mascara, absorb some more Bauhaus, and find another way to piss off your parents.

(11 to 13 points): You're a Functional Goth. You dig the scene, but the makeup is only for impressing all those righteous vampire babes.

(14 to 17 points): You're fullblown Gothicus Mopeosis. Your boss thinks you're a freak, but he lets you slide because nobody else is so willing to clean up after vivisections. As a bonus, your parents think you worship Satan and might be gay. Congratulations — you've been ostracized by society.

(18 to 20 points): Oh my goth! Check your pulse, Prince of Darkness. And you might want to check on Marilyn Manson while you're at it. — Cole Haddon

The New York Dolls play with the Bittercups and the Livid Kittens at 8 p.m. Thursday, October 27, at the Culture Room, Culture Room, 3045 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets cost $29.99. Call 954-564-1074.

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