By Natalya Jones
By County Grind
By Liz Tracy
By Chris Joseph
By Liz Tracy
By Matt Preira
By Jesse Scheckner
By Michael E. Miller
When Dolly's onetime singing partner, Kenny Rogers, pays a visit to South Florida this week, he may tout his new theme park, Kenny Vegas. Rogers claims "it's for 'The Gambler' in us all," although he cautions, "You got to know when to hold 'em/know when to fold 'em." Our advice: Know when to walk away and know when to run.
It appears the Rolling Stones' venerable Wrinkle World is back in business, and while this may be the last time, we don't know. The park, which features a pair of oversized lips at its entrance, offers plenty of classic attractions, including the ever-popular Wild Horses ride, a perilous journey through a seemingly non-ending series of canyons and crevices replicating the creases of Mick and Keef's facial features. So get off that cloud and come on down because "Satisfaction is guaranteed!" Senior discounts apply.
Sadly, Ashlee Simpson's Lip Sync Land was recently plagued by some unfortunate foul-ups. Apparently the park's one decent ride malfunctioned, starting before its riders were ready.
Ozzy Osbourne's Dementia Island is a haunting destination. Once you're there, you can't remember why. The Screaming Shaaaaarooooooooooooonnnnnnn!!!!! is one thrill ride you never forget.
George and Jeb Bush's Oilman's Indulgence resembles a huge gas station with dollar bills streaming from every opening. It's also known for attracting huge crowds willing to wait in line for hours. Visitors paid record admission costs recently, and while the prices have dropped, word is they won't stay lower for long. However, the park does offer free admission to the Bush boys' oil-slicked cronies.
Then, of course, there's Florida Power & Light's Black-out Bonanza, presented by the esteemed members of Florida's Public Service Commission. This is a real horror haven shrouded in complete darkness accompanied by the eerie, ever-present roar of hundreds of generators. But the scariest thing about it is that the dupes who run the place still send you a bill to cover the high cost of admission even if you don't visit. Scarier still, ticket prices will steadily increase from now through eternity. Lee Zimmerman
Dolly Parton performs at 7:30 p.m. Sunday, November 27, at Mizner Park Amphitheater, 590 Plaza Real, Boca Raton. Tickets cost $52 and $62. Call 561-966-3309. Kenny Rogers performs at 8 p.m. Saturday, November 26, at the Sinatra Theater at BankAtlantic Center, 2555 NW 136th Ave., Sunrise. Tickets cost $42.25 to $72.25. Call 954-835-8000.