By Natalya Jones
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But in a slightly different place or time, Snoop would be a pariah. He's an ex-gangbanger who still reps the Crips, a consummate champion of drug use, and a serial misogynist who openly brags about beating women in his songs. More alarmingly, he has been accused (and subsequently acquitted) of murder and rape.
So how exactly does Snoop get away with it? It's called image manipulation. Outtakes takes a look at two other notable bad boys and suggests ways they could Snoopify themselves.
Problem: World public enemy number one.
Solution:As Snoop has shown, there's nothing wrong with having a strong pimp hand. But Osama fails to carry it off with the same panache as Snoop, who redefined the role with colorful clothing and playful videos. For starters, we'd suggest OBL rein in those rambling, fire-and-brimstone speeches. After all, the only thing worse than being a terrorist is being a bore. Osama should also spice up his all-too-infrequent videos with some hot-ass "burqa babes." Even if Muslim women can't show skin, that inch-wide eye swath will drive dudes crazy.
As a secondary line of offense, we suggest that Osama lose the drab traditional robes. While he may feel silly in a velvet pimp suit and top hat, it's way sexier than the "fugitive in a cave" look.
Problem: Dictator and cult leader. And he's lonely.
Solution: Fewer nukes, more Daisy Dukes. We suggest Kim Jong-Illin' (his new handle) throw himself headfirst into film and television. Snoop was able to parlay his rap career into several movie appearances. Yeah, the movies were generally horrible (The Wash and Soul Plane, anyone?), but his roles reinforced his lovable, innocuous image. It's doubtful that the sexless and savage Ill One ever had any acting lessons. But like Snoop, he's probably a natural just waiting for his big break his cameo in Team America notwithstanding. Does Dr. Evil need a long-lost twin?
Snoop Dogg performs at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, January 14, at Revolution, 200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets cost $40. Visit www.jointherevolution.net, or call 954-727-0950.