Bull Riding!

Do you love extreme sports but have trouble finding the sport that suits you? NASCAR looks attractive, but your attention span is too short to follow it. Skateboarding is aggro – too bad it’s for snotty young kids with silly haircuts and no respect for “Our President.” Where are you supposed to satisfy your bloodlust? What about bull riding? The risk of a high-trauma situation hovers in the unsettled arena dust and blood puddles coagulate around the chutes, so you know it’s going to be entertaining! The best part? You don’t have to fear boredom or schedule bathroom breaks, because all of that excitement is packed into a short eight-second ride! It’s just like sex!

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• NASCAR

The posse at that Hard Rock Live (One Seminole Way, Hollywood) are corralling their clowns and spinnin’ their spurs in preparation for The Southeastern Bull Riding Championships, scheduled to buck through town Friday through Sunday. Watch as cowboys risk damaging “the goods” on top of understandably pissed-off bulls, all for a chance at $25,000 in prize money. Those who don’t succeed will hit the old dusty trail with only bruises, shame, and possible dismemberment. Tickets cost $20. Call 954-523-3309, or visit www.ticketmaster.com.
Feb. 3-5