You Might Pretend to Be a Redneck If...

It’s not even 7 a.m. The sun is barely up. Yet you’re at dead stop, stuck in traffic, still two miles from C.B. Smith Park (900 N. Flamingo Rd., Pembroke Pines). But life could be worse. You could not be surrounded by pickup trucks full of cute girls in cowboy hats and bikini tops, chugging cans of Coors Light.

@body:On the day of the KISS Country Chili Cook-off(today!), the world’s most hardcore tailgaters unite -- early. When the park’s gates open at 8 a.m., people run, screeching, across a couple of acres to stake out space in front of the stage where Keith Urban, Gretchen Wilson, Van Zant, Trick Pony, and Craig Morgan will perform throughout the day. By 10 p.m., they’ve already sampled food from the concessions, downed a few piña coladas, bought new belt buckles, danced in the line-dancing tent, and made friends. By noon, the parking lot looks like a cross between southern Georgia, Girls Gone Wild, Jackass, and a really expansive outdoor bar.

The weird thing is, despite the festival’s name, only a percentage of people get to eat the chili that’s being cooked off. Even with hundreds of contestants cooking giant pots of the goo, the bounty couldn’t accommodate the 40,000 people in attendance. Take off your Nikki Beach tank top, disguise yourself in a Confederate flag doo-rag, and indulge your inner redneck. Tickets cost $32. Call 954-323-3309, or visit www.wkis.com.
Sun., Jan. 29