Boca to the Max

Who knew puking in South Florida would get Tucker Max on the bestseller list in New York?

But when his son posted the whole adventure (which includes much, much more wantonness) in graphic detail, Dennis thought his son had made a big mistake. "That was not a very smart move on his part by using her name," he says.

Tucker not only named the woman in these adventures — Johnson, who had been named Miss Vermont USA in 2001 — but he painted her as a dimwitted slut infected with potentially psychopathic traits. Johnson sued and alarmed some Internet-freedom activists when she won a controversial temporary injunction against Max's website. But after further legal wrangling, she eventually dropped the matter.

In the end, evil triumphed: Max's "The (Almost Banned) Miss Vermont Story" is still a popular fixture on his website, along with photographs and video of the couple and tales of their sexual encounters.

Christopher Smith

In response, Johnson launched her own website, which she uses to promote a cartoon series, Starrlettes, aimed at 8- to 12-year-old girls. Johnson's teenaged cartoon characters promote values to the school-age set, including self-esteem, responsibility... and abstinence.

"It shows maturity to keep your purity!" Johnson's site proclaims.

Johnson didn't return a call from New Times.

As morally reprehensible as they may be, Tucker Max's stories also can make for fine reading.

Most refreshing is his knack for sizing up Boca Raton's gold-digging desperadoes: "women [who] have circled the drain a few times, and no manner of plastic surgery or trips to the spa can hide that despair that years of whorish behavior and emotional prostitution leaves in the eyes."

And what may be most redeemable about the man is his ability to be just as savagely disparaging about himself.

He admits to traveling with a busted moral compass. "[I] am only just beginning to develop enough maturity to empathize with the emotions of others, a necessary predicate to compassionate behavior," he explains on his site. "I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions... and just generally act like a raging dickhead."

Seen through that prism, the ribaldry of stories like "Tucker Tries Buttsex, Hilarity Does Not Ensue" or "Tucker Has Moment of Reflection, Ends Poorly" represent not just frat-boy rowdiness but some rare peeks into a twisted version of the hero myth.

Like a liquored-up odyssey, each Tucker Max adventure is marked with trials, conquests, and confrontations — on the path toward some sort of self-enlightenment the author knows he's going to require later in life. The journeys he takes his readers on is studded with scenes of pig-like rutting, apeish chest-beating, and copious amounts of bodily fluids and functions. This nightmare world nonetheless allows him (and us) to experience his deepest, darkest desires. Such as getting drunk and getting laid, as many times as possible.

What dad wouldn't be proud?

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