Truth in (Sexual) Advertising

If only potential mates came clean before things got dirty.

"Normally I hang out at Tabú or Amici," Jillian said, explaining her descent from island privilege to mainland peasantry, "but I thought, 'Why not try something different?'"

In her bejeweled gold top, she'd tottered our way and slid into one of our table's empty chairs, blaming her condition on a head rush from a cigarette. She claimed to be from Scotland yet had no accent. Then she unloaded a work history that began with flight attendant, flew to Playboy bunny, and landed on event planner aboard a yacht. I was surprised "master storyteller" was not on the list.

Then she hit us with a description of the guy her friend had met that night: "He's so hot. He looks like Mick Jagger," she started. "No, he is so hot, he looks like George Clooney. Oh, you know who he looks like? He looks like Nick Lachey."

Or maybe he was a morph of all three. (Shudder.)

Inside, the crowd was getting its dance on to Usher's "Yeah." Two young women danced suggestively together on a platform as a scraggly haired, goggly eyed Uncle Pervy leered at them from the floor below. Amy, the corset-clad brunet, could really work it.

Later, Amy shared that she'd been a competitive dancer for eight years. That explained the moves, but the girl-on-girl dance? Well, despite the ironic chuckle I had when she revealed her occupation, I doubt it had anything to do with the fact that the 24-year-old works in quality control on a Palm Beach County dike-building project.

Before we left, we found the "Yay Mamma" dude breakdancing with some friends. Oddly, though he was an attention-seeker, Super Fly seemed oblivious to the tube-top-and-gaucho-clad woman at his feet. She'd shaken her ba-donka-donk all the way to the floor and worked it in a deep, knee-spreading squat.

Maybe her outfit needed more flash? I doubt the addition of an LED anything to her ensemble would've sparked the guy's attention. Something with mirrors, however, would've done the trick.

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