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Dis-Sertation

When Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas sings about "My Humps," is she referring to her tits or her ass?

It's a puzzling question and the cause of much-heated debate. You could say that Fergie calls her booty "my humps" and her titties "my lovely lady lumps." But she seems to interchange the words "humps" and "lumps" so frequently, it's difficult to figure out what the hell she's talking about.

It doesn't help that, in real life, Fergie has small "lumps/humps," making it difficult to visually determine what she's referring to. Her ass, to paraphrase Martin Lawrence when he talked about Michael Douglas' exposed rear in Basic Instinct, looks like someone smacked it with a book. Pow!

The true meaning of said "humps" requires close analysis. In the song, Fergie says, "They say I'm really sexy/The boys they wanna sex me/They always standing next to me/Always dancing next to me/Tryin' a feel my hump, hump/Lookin' at my lump, lump." Here, it isn't clear if "the boys" are trying to feel her breasts or her ass. Also, she refers to her "hump, hump" and "lump, lump," even though most people have one ass and two breasts.

However, she later says, "I'm just trying to dance, boy/And move my hump."That could be interpreted as "moving my ass." When Will.I.Am asks, "What you gonna do with all that junk/All that junk inside your trunk?," he uses a phrase — "junk inside your trunk" — that is commonly known as having "ass." Appropriately, Fergie answers, "I'ma get get get get you drunk/Get you love drunk off my hump." But she doesn't respond the same way when Will.I.Am says, "What you gon' do with all that breast/All that breast inside your shirt?" Instead, she says, "I'm a make make make make you work/Make you work, work, make you work."

While the lyrics to "My Humps" are just vague enough to evade a definitive theory about their meaning, one can reasonably determine that the "humps" in question refer to the two ridges of an ass, not a pair of breasts. Still, "My Humps" is clearly a sloppy use of metaphor. Mosi Reeves

The Black Eyed Peas play with the Pussycat Dolls at 7 p.m. Thursday, April 13, at the BankAtlantic Center, 1 Panther Pkwy., Sunrise. Tickets cost $47.25 or $37.25, plus service charge. Call 954-523-3309.

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