Venue Verses

If only They Might Be Giants would do a tune about South Florida

— The Clash 4.20

Sponsor: High Times magazine. In the British music scene of the late '70s/early '80s, the name of the game was social awareness, and the name of the band was the Clash. However, these days, the passion is for fashion — and killing brain cells. Now, we all know that Joe Strummer and company enjoyed their share of the doobage. But that was on top of the political rants. This version of the Clash would rather "Smoke the Casbah" than rock it. The big question is, "Should I Stay or Should I Smoke?" Only "Mary Janie Jones" knows for sure.

— The Sex Pistols 3.15

Christopher Smith

Sponsor: The 700 Club. The only sex these pistols have is for procreation — and even then, it's as enjoyable as a safety pin through the tit. This band wants to help "God Save the Queen" and instill "Theocracy in the U.S.A." ("I am a fan of Christ/I want to give you a kiss"). They're here as a reminder that we're all "Pretty Vacant" without Jesus in our hearts.

— Nirvana 82.0

Sponsor: Willard Scott. This band of flannel-clad old-timers is best-known for hits like "Nexium" and "Smells Like Senior Spirit (Or Did I Have an Accident?)." Indeed, 55's the new 21, and Boca Raton's the new Seattle. So get hip, granddaddy-o — just try not to break your hip in the process. — Jason Budjinski

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