Bulldozers Gone Wild

Bad, CRA! Bad, Bad CRA!

Not only is Pete a snake-catching failure, by the way, but his colleagues in Guam haven't had any luck either.

"Dogs are able to detect the brown treesnakes around cargo, buildings, etc., but to my knowledge have not yet been successful tracking snakes 'in the wild,'" Oberhofer says.

In truth, the NPS has found that other pythons, not dogs, make the best snake trackers. A less-publicized but more successful snake-control project involves placing radio collars on sex-hungry pythons, which then lead them to other sex-hungry pythons. But snake sex just doesn't get as much press as cute dogs.

"I found one!"
"I found one!"
Matt Doherty
Matt Doherty

Manifest Destiny

Salty air is murder on the rusty Tailpipe, but duty sent him down the I-95 asphalt to the Port of Miami the other day.

In front of a busy cruise terminal, the out-of-sorts auto part spotted a document. That's right, a 100-page sheaf of official-looking papers, lying on the sidewalk. Upon inspection, Tailpipe realized that he'd struck Homeland Security gold: the full passenger manifest (including each passenger's cabin number) for Carnival Cruise Line's Valor, which was scheduled to leave that afternoon on a seven-day jaunt through the Caribbean.

Tailpipe took the manifest for safe keeping, and it's a good thing. Manifests aren't supposed to be lying around high-security places like ports, the 'Pipe was informed by Carnival spokeswoman Jennifer de la Cruz.

The old cylinder could think of only a few ways that a determined criminal or terrorist might employ the document, like using the information to pose as a particular passenger or to identify members of the bejeweled set, whose cabins might be seeded with loot. But then, the 'Pipe isn't a bloodthirsty criminal with a genius for misdeeds.

"The manifest you describe is given to the stevedores so they can look up the guest's name and corresponding cabin numbers," de la Cruz said. She added that the cruise line "will address it [the misplacement of the manifest] with the appropriate parties," she added.

Just another job well done by Tailpipe — keeping America safe, one port at a time. It can't be long before Dubai Ports World comes a-callin'.

It's Been Good to Know You

Florida Atlantic University waved adieu to men's basketball coach Matt Doherty last week after the former Coach of the Year ditched the final six years of his seven-year contract to follow the dollars at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. For those who recall Doherty's arrival in South Florida (and there are plenty, for it was a scant 12 months ago), his introductory news conference in Texas sounded, well, a little familiar. Tailpipe pulled the tape to figure out why:

"I want to build a program; there's a difference between a team and a program. A team is a one-year deal. A program is built for the long run. I want to put systems in place to have a program here everybody will be excited about." — Doherty in the Dallas Morning News, April 25, 2006

"I'm excited about building a first-rate program here in Boca Raton." — Doherty in the Sun-Sentinel, April 19, 2005

"I didn't want to take a job to take another job." — Dallas Morning News

"I did inquire about a lot of places but didn't interview as many places as people thought. I was selective. I wasn't going to take a job just to take a job." — Sun-Sentinel

"I look at this as a destination point. With the commitment that we have here, why can't we do special things here?" — Dallas Morning News

"I am committed to making FAU basketball a national name. I am not going to hit and run; that is not my style. I am firmly committed to this place." — Sun-Sentinel

— As told to Edmund Newton

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