"I Created the World in Six Days and All I Got Was This Lousy Billboard — God"

Have you read my #1 best seller?

There will be a test.

Colby Katz

The Lord's pitchman: Charlie Robb wrote the best GodSpeaks zingers.

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Need a marriage counselor?

I'm available.

Tell the kids I love them.

You think it's hot here?

Need directions?

My way is the highway.

Big Bang Theory?

You've got to be kidding.

Follow me.

Will the road you're on

get you to my place?

I love you... I love you... I love you.

That 'love your neighbor' thing...

I meant It.

Loved the wedding,

invite me to the marriage.

Keep using my name in vain and

I'll make rush hour longer.

We need to talk.

What part of 'Thou shalt not...'

didn't you understand?

Let's meet at my house

before the game.

Come over and bring the kids.

Don't make me come down there.

WuzupGod, 2000

I'm everybody's homey.

Chill... don't kill.

Searchin' for the ultimate high?

I'm up here.

Lookin' for a phat place to hang?

Try my crib.

Hate is not my rap.

Think I planted stuff

down here for you to smoke?

Yo, casual sex is on

my list of deadly sins.

Feeling yanked in the wrong direction?

Parents split? I'll keep you together.

You can run but you

can't hide from me.

I know what you're going through.

I have a son.

I'm an awesome dad.

Let me be your ecstasy.

Don't dis the ones who love you.

There's no sub for my teachin'.

Bro, save me a seat!

GodSpeaks, 2005

Feeling lost?

My book is your map.

The real Supreme Court meets up here.

Life is short. Eternity isn't.

It's a small world. I know... I made It.

If you must curse, use your own name.

All I know... is everything.

One nation under me.

As my apprentice, you're never fired.