The Tightest Slots in Town

Aren't you happy you get to shovel money into the shiny new machines?

Geller concedes the payouts are pretty dismal right now but says they are even lower at the Seminole-owned Hard Rock (though that casino is permitted to carry only lower-risk "bingo-style" machines). He also said that once other racetracks open their slot rooms, competition will drive the payouts higher.

Maybe, but right now it's just sad. When I arrived at Gulfstream last week, I started by putting a dollar bill in that Frog Prince machine. And I did, indeed, win — $2.25. That was gone in the next few minutes.

From there, I played quarter and dollar machines. Besides the brands named above, I played Jewel of Arabia, Jackpot Party, and Reel's of Dublin. I lost as little as a nickel on a spin and as much as $9. I won a couple of tiny pots, but the money seemed determined to spin away like water funneling down a toilet.

I had a couple of Heinekens to dull the pain, and I intended to talk to some of the regular players who were communing with the machines, their souls seemingly being sucked from them like their money.

But I couldn't stomach it. I escaped that depressing chamber as soon as the last of my five $20 bills had vanished.

I know I'll never go back into that place again.

Will you?

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