Lesbians Gone Wild

Tinseltown it's not, but Chi Chi TV has a knack for cinematic melodrama. And bare skin.

On Trainer's website, www.sticktowhatyouknow.com, hundreds of people she has never met congregate to generate ideas and comment on her latest endeavors, which she posts religiously. The making of the dead man and the cat man are both detailed in photos and descriptions on the site, and many fans have praised them.

The site has been up for about three years, though Trainer turned it over to a guy from Minnesota while she was retooling after Wilma. Like many collaborative Internet projects, Trainer gets help from virtual strangers. Some, like veterinarian Vanessa Rolfe, make contributions and come to the studio every now and then.

Rolfe, who was present on the egg toss night, plans to become an investor in Chi Chi TV. Others have stumbled in accidentally (or maybe driven by fate). White Bread, who met Trainer while studying at the Fort Lauderdale Art Institute, stopped by to help fix a glitch in a computer that he ended up exacerbating, according to Trainer. He said he didn't understand the point of Chi Chi but agreed to toss eggs anyway. Mike Klockowski, a pilot Trainer knows from her day job, came to take pictures. And then there's Kurtzberg, who works for a bank but likes to take her clothes off. Cruz, of course, is there to help her do it.

Gi Gi Cruz (center, below) looks innocent enough, but guess how many photos of breasts are stored in her cell phone.
C. STILES
Gi Gi Cruz (center, below) looks innocent enough, but guess how many photos of breasts are stored in her cell phone.
Hurricane Wilma destroyed her studio and nearly bankrupted her. Now Liza Trainer (right) will use these knockers to get back on her feet.
Hurricane Wilma destroyed her studio and nearly bankrupted her. Now Liza Trainer (right) will use these knockers to get back on her feet.

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Kurtzberg has a starring role in a Chi Chi TV skit that involves her being naked and buried in 600 pounds of sand. A toy helicopter descends on her, blowing the sand first off her right breast, then her left, eventually disrobing her. She also makes an appearance with host Cruz, who holds a red Chi Chi microphone. Again in her bikini, Kurtzberg tackles Cruz in the sand. Kurtzberg says she's not a lesbian, though she believes "all straight girls are two drinks away."

In Cruz's experience, that's certainly been the case. The petite, dark-haired minx has been hitting on women, straight and gay, in bars for more than a decade. She's found that it's fairly easy to talk girls out of their clothes. Her cell phone proves how easy it is, with about 50 pictures of breasts, all taken in bar bathrooms.

"I go straight to the girl I like and I say, 'Hey, are those double D's?' I say, 'They're beautiful. Can I see them?' Or 'Can I have your bra?'" Cruz says she rarely gets rejected. That might be because she's well-put-together and seemingly harmless. She dresses in tight designer jeans, always with a catchy buckle. On a recent evening, she wore a silver profile of the Virgin Mary. She also wears pointy shoes and fancy watches, at the moment sporting a silver Cartier.

Cruz, who runs her own investment business, says she has taken more than 400 women's phone numbers over the past several years, and she keeps them in a wooden box in her apartment. She's attracted to "that really feminine slutty look," and maybe that's why she usually winds up dating strippers, she says. Although she's 38, she looks about 21, which is the age of her current girlfriend — a stripper.

Cruz grew up in a Catholic South American family, and her parents don't know she's lesbian. She won't even grant New Times permission to publish the country she's from or her real last name, in fear that somehow it will get back to her parents.

Parental disapproval or not, though, Cruz says she's doing the work of the angels. "I think women are beautiful, and they have to show what they got," she says, her hands outstretched as if to trace a full-bodied figure. "I like women so much. I really enjoy their bodies and their expressions and everything. Just looking at their eyes. It's something I enjoy."

Clearly, if anyone can pull off the next stunt — finding two large-breasted women willing to joust, naked, in shopping carts pushed by midgets — it's Cruz.

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