How´s Your Slime IQ?

If you live in Broward County, you have reason to rejoice. Your little spot in the world is a place of distinction. It´s the best at something, a superlative locale. Broward County is the most corrupt place in America.

What follows is a short quiz. Keep in mind while you´re taking it that it´s not the questions that are really important but the answers. If you score 2 or less here, your head is in the sand.

1. Which mayor is the subject of a paternity lawsuit that alleges he fathered a child out of wedlock with a woman he began bedding when he was a teacher and she was his 16-year-old student?

A. Broward County Mayor Josephus Eggelletion.

B. Lauderdale-by-the-Sea Mayor Oliver Parker.

C. Deerfield Beach Mayor Al Capellini.

D. All of the above.

2. Which law enforcement figure in Broward is the subject of a federal grand jury investigation into his finances?

A. Hollywood Police Chief James Scarberry.

B. Broward County Sheriff Ken Jenne.

C. Fort Lauderdale Police Chief Bruce Roberts.

D. All of the above.

3. What politician representing Hollywood was indicted for allegedly selling out his/her public office to a sewage company?

A. Hollywood Commissioner Keith Wasserstrom.

B. Hollywood Mayor Mara Giulianti.

C. Florida Sen. Steve Geller.

D. All of the above.

4. What top court official recently announced he was giving up his position after complaints of cronyism and incompetence among the ranks?

A. Judge Larry Seidlin.

B. Judge Lawrence Korda.

C. Chief Judge Dale Ross.

D. All of the above.

5. Which city recently got rid of its manager after a racist outburst and, more recently, discovered that a public works project has secretly been bleeding millions of dollars through waste and mismanagement?

A. Deerfield Beach.

B. Hollywood.

C. Plantation.

D. All of the above.

6. Which police department was rocked recently by federal indictments of four veteran officers who were allegedly trying to be made in the Mafia?

A. City of Fort Lauderdale.

B. City of Hollywood.

C. Broward Sheriff´s Office.

D. All of the above.

7. What former politician, previously indicted on elections violations in which he fraudulently pocketed his own campaign cash, has made a public resurgence in the City of Davie?

A. Larry Smith.

B. Alcee Hastings.

C. Scott Cowan.

D. All of the above.

8. What big-money lobbyist has virtually taken over the School Board?

A. Barbara Miller.

B. Neil Sterling.

C. Jim Notter.

D. All of the above.

Answers:

1. (A) Yes, it´s Eggelletion who has the paternity problem. It´s been proven in court that he fathered a son by Angelita Sanders, who was a student of his when he was a teacher at Dillard High School. Sanders says the affair began when she was 16 and continued on and off until he fathered her child when she was 25. Oliver Parker, meanwhile, is facing a recall petition in Lauderdale-by-the-Sea, and Al Capellini has recently been investigated by the State Attorney´s Office for allegations that he personally profited from his public office.

2. (B) Yes, of course, it´s Jenne, who is the subject of a long-standing federal investigation into his moonlighting with a security company and a $20,000 ¨loan¨ from a developer who does business with the sheriff´s office. There are more rumors swirling around the grand jury than around Lindsey Lohan´s nightlife. Fort Lauderdale´s Roberts, meanwhile, has a rash of police shootings to deal with: four civilians dead and six injured, many of the shootings occurring under dubious circumstances and some still under investigation. And Scarberry? Well, you´ll get a taste of what he´s been up to below.

3. (A) Wasserstrom faces two felony counts for allegedly selling out his office to Schwing Bioset, a sewage company that won a lucrative sludge treatment and hauling contract from the city two years ago. The mayor, meanwhile, is basically an unindicted co-conspirator in the case. She cheerled for Schwing even though her son Stacey was Wasserstrom´s law partner at the time and also stood to profit. And Geller, well, he´s a developer´s lobbyist and shills at every turn for the gambling industry, so I thought I´d throw his name in there for the fun of it.

4. (C) Yes, Ross is finally stepping down after 17 years running the court system. He´s been dogged by allegations of cronyism and general arrogance for years, but it was Seidlin, the weepy drama king who presided over the epic Anna Nicole Smith case, and Korda, who was caught smoking pot in a public park, who generated the necessary friction to run him out of office. We conclude with just two important words for the future: term limits.