Tons o’ Funs

Look out, South Florida. Tonight is when the year's biggest, hairiest event rolls its rolls into town -- and its attendees are lookin' for some lovin'. It's "Chubs in Paradise: A Gathering for Larger Gay Men and their Admirers," a three-day party co-hosted by the Cheston House (520 North Birch Rd., Fort Lauderdale) and Windamar Beach Resort (543 Breakers Ave., Fort Lauderdale).

Now, when we say "chubs," we don't mean “just kinda chubby." No! These are the Big Boys -- like Mo'Nique-big. The unapologetic slabs of man-beef who always sit next to you on airplanes and overflow onto your armrest, which they will be doing in droves as they soar in from all over the country to take up their more-than-allotted share of our fat-friendly Fort Lauderdale beaches. Although it's too bad much of their bathing suit time will be spent at the private, sold-out pool party at The Cheston House on Saturday and the already-at-capacity Sunday Brunch. Dang it! You know that buffet is going to be the best. Chubby chaser alert: you can still catch yourself a ton o' fun on Friday and Saturday nights at one of the local gay clubs, when all the boys head out to dance the night away. Check http://chubsinparadise.com/schedule.htm.