A Quick Lesson in Firearms

For the gun show neophyte, the sales floor can be a scary place, especially since so many venders appear deranged and have enough weapons with them to supply a small country at war. These shows can also be the ultimate in people-watching, so we suggest you go. Here’s a few things you can count on when attending this weekend’s Gun and Knife show at War Memorial (800 NE Eighth Ave., Fort Lauderdale): a leather treasure trove of the newest handbags catering to women’s concealed weapons (no shit). At least ten percent of the men present will be wearing T-shirts that artfully depict the state of Florida as a handgun (leaving Tallahassee the unfortunate responsibility of protecting our state from the “itchy trigger finger”). And yes, the shifty-eyed dude hocking collectable Nazi paraphernalia is imagining you naked (that one’s true whether you’re a man or a woman).

Do remember that anytime you enter this world of semi-automatic counter-culture, you will be dealing with people who do not trust (or possibly even acknowledge) the U.S. government. Translation: cash is king, and no last names. This show runs on Saturday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tickets cost $8 for grown-ups, but gun-loving tykes get in free. Call 954-828-5380.