Most fundraising affairs require something from you: training for a charity marathon, owning kicks with proper arch support for a walk-a-thon, or gently nodding off unnoticed while a monotone voice yammers on about infectious plague this and genocide that. Isnt it time that a benefit gave something back to the people who need it most namely, you?
Tonight its gonna happen. Because tonight, fuck it, youre getting pancakes.
Hell, yeah. Miamis only public school nightclub with private school drink prices, PS14 (28 NE 14th St., Miami), is getting all warm and sticky on Wednesday, when do-gooders (thats you) scarf down syrupy pancakes and lots of music at The Whatever Jam: a heterogeneous cluster of clattering sounds, booty bass beats, and a whole lotta whatever. We were gonna get a pony, said one of the shows promoters Miamigluethousandseven, but as will happen when livestock is involved, the pony thing fell through. We might still get a dunking machine, he said, but thats just part of the whatever in the Whatever Jam.
Since funds raised from the door and donations go straight to the Miami homeless shelter Camillas House, everyone in the 305 is getting involved. From Churchills favorites Boy Prostitute to a band thats seen as rarely as a swarm of newly-hatched locusts, The Electric Bunnies, the musics bound to pop hotter than the griddle cakes. Its also your last scheduled chance to hear Capsule spit out the best of local hardcore before it goes gallivanting off on tour with Torche later this month. The Jam may even be your first chance to take a nice, needed soak with Miamis newest garage rock band, the Jacuzzi Boys. But I know, I know this sounds great for all of the Y-chromosomes, but what about the ladies? Oh, Whatever Jam scheduled a secret weapon just for the XXs: José El Rey Hialeahs sexpert on bass-heavy, panty-dampening, song stylings. His hit romanthoms like Are You Offended by my Sex (Pretty Baby)? and We are the Players; They are the Game have become so popular locally that street buzz says hes being considered for the honorary title Master of Ceremonies for next years Miami Dade County Youth Fair. And just think, you can see him tonight for only a five dollar donation.
The whole damn things being put on by Movie Boy, I am Your Villain, and Miamigluethousandseven; all the loot is going to a great cause. You just have to show up, eat pancakes, listen to music, and possibly be seduced. Its gonna ruin you for all future walk-a-thons. Whatever Jam starts at 10 p.m. Call 305-358-3600, or visit www.ps14.com.
Wed., Sept. 12, 10 p.m.