Build Me an Island

The models strutted down the runway to pop music, each simulating "the look." They whipped hair back and forth. They swung Q-tip-thin arms. They tilted sideways and pouted. Finally, they were wrangled onto the stage and circled around the giant Marie Claire cover, featuring Nicole Kidman. But then, another hour of filming, as the style director of Marie Claire gave a little pep talk over and over for the cameras. The crowd dwindled.

The 'Pipe's feet were hurting, and the beginning — the actual competition — was nowhere in sight. So he did what every good reporter eventually does when there's no story. He went home.

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Sorry, sickos. This nurse will not give you a flu shot.

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Well, the touch-off lasted 30 hours, until 3:30 a.m. last Thursday. On the phone, Lieber said the would-be Last Models Standing were tempted and taunted and threatened with live snakes until all but one fell off. Lieber wouldn't say who won.

Thanks, E!. Next time, don't call.