Being a Miami football fan this year is akin to being a prisoner of war: The experience just keeps getting worse, with no end in sight. As anxiety slowly morphs into desperation, you want to do something, anything, to change matters -- but youre trapped and your captors are out of reach. Youd help if only you werent too small to play for the Dolphins, but at this point even thats up for debate, as the Fins fail-forward-fast towards an 0-16 finish.
This Sunday, youll have a chance to escape when the Miami Dolphins take on the hated New York Jets at 1 p.m. at Dolphin Stadium (2269 Dan Marino Boulevard, Miami Gardens). Since our territory will no doubt be full of obnoxious New Yorkers, its your patriotic duty to represent the banana republic of Miami and stave off the occupation. Stand up for your freedom from football persecution by snagging tickets, they start at $29 bucks. Call 866-fins-tx, or visit www.miamidolphins.com.
Sun., Dec. 2, 1 p.m., 2007