Jump Everybody, Jump Everybody, Jump

What’s our most important national holiday? Christmas, though economically stimulating, is not universally celebrated. Thanksgiving is too boring to be catalyzing. The Fourth of July borrows its central theme (fireworks) from China. How about New Year’s Eve? Ahh… now that’s a holiday modeled after the American spirit! Just think about it: A night spent in the wanton pursuit of sheer drunkenness, alcohol poisoning be damned. What better way to showcase our privilege – nay, our right – to turn ourselves into inebriated buffoons, all under the guise of resolving last year’s problems to make room for the next? God bless America.

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More About

• Coconut Creek
• Fourth of July
• Lewis Black
• Jackie Gleason
• The Daily Show

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Now that we’ve cleared that little matter up, the question becomes this: “I’m party-less for NYE! Where should I spend it?” Well, if you’re a reminiscent type, you may want to don your favorite one-piece jumpsuit and head to Nectar Lounge at the Seminole Casino Coconut Creek (5550 NW 40 St., Coconut Creek). The nightclub is getting totally ΄80s on your ass, inviting Alisha, the Cover Girls, and (we shit you not) C & C Music Factory to help you sweat ΄07 till you can’t sweat no more. Get pumped (for free!) starting at 12:30 a.m.

What if you’re more of a “here-and-now” type of reveler? Then make a trip to the Jackie Gleason Theater (1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach) for your favorite curmudgeon, Lewis Black. The comedian of Daily Show fame will give you the rundown on all his latest Chicken Little-esque observations; especially those that you’re missing while the writers are on strike. Tickets start at $59. Call 305-673-7300.
Mon., Dec. 31, 2007