Whats our most important national holiday? Christmas, though economically stimulating, is not universally celebrated. Thanksgiving is too boring to be catalyzing. The Fourth of July borrows its central theme (fireworks) from China. How about New Years Eve? Ahh now thats a holiday modeled after the American spirit! Just think about it: A night spent in the wanton pursuit of sheer drunkenness, alcohol poisoning be damned. What better way to showcase our privilege nay, our right to turn ourselves into inebriated buffoons, all under the guise of resolving last years problems to make room for the next? God bless America.
Now that weve cleared that little matter up, the question becomes this: Im party-less for NYE! Where should I spend it? Well, if youre a reminiscent type, you may want to don your favorite one-piece jumpsuit and head to Nectar Lounge at the Seminole Casino Coconut Creek (5550 NW 40 St., Coconut Creek). The nightclub is getting totally ΄80s on your ass, inviting Alisha, the Cover Girls, and (we shit you not) C & C Music Factory to help you sweat ΄07 till you cant sweat no more. Get pumped (for free!) starting at 12:30 a.m.
What if youre more of a here-and-now type of reveler? Then make a trip to the Jackie Gleason Theater (1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach) for your favorite curmudgeon, Lewis Black. The comedian of Daily Show fame will give you the rundown on all his latest Chicken Little-esque observations; especially those that youre missing while the writers are on strike. Tickets start at $59. Call 305-673-7300.
Mon., Dec. 31, 2007