Big Wind in Boca

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• Cliff Campbell
• Detroit Tigers
• Mitt Romney
• Todd Crawford
• Dontrelle Willis

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As for tug-of-war challenges, well, the Campbell clan has gotten more than a few. The MacAllisters called for a showdown at 1:30 p.m. on the field at Fort Lauderdale Stadium where kids were practicing the good ole hatchet toss. So the Campbells hiked up their pale-blue kilts and scoured the stadium grounds for men with ample girth. There were plenty of recruits.

Seeing all those big guys, Wiser-MacAllister had to act fast. He dove into his yarn about the ills of the Campbell clan and won the loyalties of the largest strongmen on the Campbell side of the rope. Tailpipe missed the climax of this bitterness, but a sated Wiser-MacAllister reports that, after a few heave-hos, "We just drug them through the dirt." Careful, laddies. The Campbells are askin' for a rematch, and Argyll is on the warpath.