By Chris Joseph
By Michael E. Miller
By Kyle Swenson
By David Villano
By Kyle Swenson
By John Thomason
By Michele Eve
-on his VH1 reality show, Undisputed: "I've been filming myself for about 20 years, so [a reality show] is something I've always wanted to do. And [the producers] had all the footage they needed! That show could've been a phenomenal show, but between a 1 and 10, I give it like a 3. The whole idea was to finally show the fans what I'm really like, to show the other side of who Dice really is as a person. And they just wouldn't fucking allow it. They came up with story lines, I fought them all the way, and then they'd use a little piece of my footage. I was like, 'This show will go off the air, and you guys will be looking for new jobs, and my career's going to go on.' I was really willing to show who I am. Like if I go on the road and I'm overweight, I'll take the camera and be like, 'Look at how fucking fat I am.' I'm not afraid to show that. I'll end up doing another reality show, but next time, I'll produce it and film it myself."
-on the infamous CNN interview: "Well, [the interviewer] was stupid. He had a guy on his show that's done something that no one else has ever done in standup comedy, and he had no facts about me. So that's why he got what he got. He didn't realize he was going to become the target. For the rest of his career, the first question he's going to be asked is, 'How was it to get destroyed on CNN by Dice?' If he becomes a Pulitzer Prize winner, that's what they'll ask him. If he reports from Iraq with bombs going off around him, people will say, 'Forget that. What was it like when Dice called you an asshole?'"
-ups and downs in his career: "It 's been an absolute roller-coaster ride, as far as a career. It's been insanity. But you know, I don't think I'd change it. Maybe I would've done more really good movies, like [director Martin] Scorsese-type of movies. I'm capable of doing that kind of acting, but because of the controversy I had as a comic, it just hasn't gone to that level. That would be the only thing I regret."
-on his new tour: "The goals I set for myself are pretty high, and everything I'm doing is geared towards standup. I want to do what I call the Recession Tour this fall. Because people are just getting fucked every way, you know? You fill up your truck, it's $100. I want to charge 1988 ticket prices in 2008. I've made my living doing standup all these years, and fans have always been behind me. So it's a real way of giving back. Look, people have got to be able to laugh in this day and age. I don't want anyone who wants to see me to say, 'It's too much.'"
-his new material: "I still do it the way I always have. As life goes on, yeah, you learn more. But [at my shows] I talk about everything from technology to midlife crises to how much I still love banging chicks with fat asses. I've got two kind of fans now: those that have been with me since whenever to those that have found me on Myspace or YouTube or every other fucking internet thing. You have everyone from 18 to 60 years old, but there's something there for everybody. But I'm way better than I ever have been as a performer, because when a lot of fans started seeing me, I had only been doing comedy for ten years. Now I'm doing it close to 30, so... I'm really great at what I do. I'll tell my crowds, 'Do you believe how fucking good I am at this?' You know, I'm amazed with me sometimes."