White-Collar Blues

Put a Pabst in the air this weekend for rock's high-class proletariat

In honor of Labor Day, we pay tribute here to America's working-class heroes by recognizing the worst jobs in rock 'n' roll, the grinding gigs that often go overlooked. They don't get any more emotionally taxing than these, boys and girls.

Isaac Hayes' estate executor

Now that the soulful crooner behind such classic albums as Black Moses and Shaft has passed on to that great big Soul Train line in the sky, it can't be forgotten that the man left behind a whopping 12 children and four wives to fight over his estate. No matter how you slice things up, somebody is going to feel disappointed this week when they find out Papa Isaac only thought of them as the product of a weekend fling. (And no, it's not too soon to make an Isaac Hayes joke people. Lighten up!)

Guns N' Roses' management

June saw the release of nine allegedly mastered tracks from Guns N' Roses' mythical Chinese Democracy, fueling speculation yet again that the album might finally be released after a 14-year wait. Imagine how it feels to be Irving Azoff, whose Front Line Management is sitting on what potentially could be the biggest album of the millennium but can't profit off it until a certain Botox-addicted frontman gets his shit together.

Miley Cyrus' publicists

Seriously, how many more photos can they explain away before they sound as ridiculous as a Bush White House press secretary? Britney might be a publicist's worst dream come true, but one has to imagine these guys are getting a little impatient with the squeaky-clean Christian pop-star's inability to keep her clothes on when a camera is pointed at her.

Radiohead's accountants

"Wait a minute, you're going to do what?! Let customers choose what they pay you for downloading your latest album? Wankery."

Pete Doherty's lawyers

The only guy in music who likes to get arrested more than DMX is Pete Doherty. At least DMX is identified first as a rapper. Doherty is known primarily as a heroin addict and crack fiend. People assume he's a musician only because he appears in tabloid photos dubbing him as such by editors who, ethically, can't call him what he really is. We're less ethical: Pete Doherty, you're a douchebag. Your lawyers can't possibly make enough defending you to deal with your antics.

 
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