By Michael E. Miller
By Allie Conti
By Keegan Hamilton and Francisco Alvarado
By Jake Rossen
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By Chris Joseph
By Michael E. Miller
A different kind of candy was being pitched by the announcer, Channel 7 sports reporter Mike DiPasquale, who urged the guys to show their appreciation for the statuesque redhead in a string bikini and high heels making her way around the inside of the ring with a sign announcing "Round 3."
And there was more!
"I've just been informed," DiPasquale blurted out, as if someone had just handed him a telegram, "that the fifth fight will be between girls. If you guys want to see some chicks fight, make some no-oi-se!"
Chicks, chicks, give us chicks.
Finally, as promised, Aileen O'Neill, a 25-year-old paramedic with the Broward Sheriff's Office Fire Rescue, and Pam "Bam Bam" Bradley, a 40-year-old agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms, took to the ring. Slim, feminine, and daaangerous, the "chicks" defied all the stereotypes about female law enforcement officials and firefighters. (Like, you wouldn't expect Scarlett Johansson to appear at your upper floor window, ready to heave you over her shoulder and haul you down a ladder, would you?)
When the bell rang, the ladies pounced out of their corners and circled each other. O'Neill chased Bradley down with a flurry, and Bradley danced out of the way — then came right back swinging. "Oooooh!" the crowd sighed (chicks at last — and mean ones).
Tight match, to be sure. While Bradley is a mother of three and a former female Golden Gloves state champ, O'Neill had only been training for three weeks. O'Neill took the decision. Her co-workers were giddy.
"She's amazing!" said Vivian Vascos, a Fire Rescue worker in stiletto heels.
Neither of the two gladiatrices was particularly keen on the chick label — but, hey, it was for a good cause. Just keep that language out of the workplace.
"I know everyone digs it," Bradley said. "I'm OK fighting the girl fight." Her blond opponent was nearby, nursing a shoulder in white bandages. Bradley shouted over to O'Neill: "Hey, your arm wouldn't hurt so much if you hadn't hit me so many times!"
Tailpipe vowed, right there, to never use the word "chick" again.
Power to the People
Just as Sen. Barack Obama was surging in Florida polls to a dead heat with Sen. John McCain, someone apparently decided it was time to fight back Nixon-style: Last Tuesday night, sources close to the campaign say, some shadowy political operative cut the power lines to the Obama volunteer headquarters on Sistrunk Boulevard.
The campaign's official position, as voiced by spokesman Bobby Gravitz: This was "a complete coincidence." Gravitz added that in the same building, "There is a barber shop and a state rep," either of whom could have been the targets of the saboteur.
Tailpipe's had some bad haircuts in his time, but he's never seen fit to avenge the insult with wire cutters. And who even knows their state rep well enough to hold a grudge? (For the record, this one is freshman Democratic Rep. Perry E. Thurston Jr.) Clearly, the motive was presidential.
Asked whether McCain or his vice presidential pick, Gov. Sarah Palin are suspects in the vandalism, Gravitz replied obliquely, "You're joking right?"
In truth, McCain happened to be in Florida that day — Tampa, to be exact, a short hop by private jet from Fort Lauderdale. All right, the 'Pipe is joking. But he's not so sure about that chick in glasses. (Did the 'Pipe just say that?)